Random Thoughts

Slightly Out of Context Quote of The Day

2010-03-15T08:22:00.001-04:00

" I will trade you my lunch, for a baby. "

There are Always Other Fish In the River

2010-02-23T15:54:00.003-05:00

The day was typical, at least so it would seem. The sun was beginning to set over the cityscape, and the hot humid day of the early summer was slowly cooling down as the day drew to an end. I was one of the few still left on the beach, taking in each possible minute of sunlight that remained. As I grabbed my shirt and shoes I began to make my way home when my phone rang; it was no longer a typical day… at least not for me; for the unluckiest person in town, however, this was a typical day.

I never really considered the city to be very big, nor was it very confusing. There were farmlands, and suburbs, and a small central core to the city; although it was a city, it was diverse enough to avoid getting lost, at least so I thought. My friend had only recently moved here and was delighted to explore the city. Within a weekend, I had shown my friend the sights and sounds that were worth seeing and hearing, the foods worth tasting, and the places worth visiting. With all that the city had to offer, there was no reason to venture too far away. Within a month or two my comrade was well stocked with friends. One such evening, I was told of an outing; a relaxing evening by the edge of the river with drinks and snacks. I had passed on the opportunity as I already had plans that evening, plans I would learn would be cut short with the sound of my ring tone.

The sky was clear and cooling quickly with the fading sun. My unfortunate friend was somehow left alone along the riverbanks on the outskirts of town; an disastrous miscommunication I was told was at fault. The river ran through the entire city from west to east, although I was not completely certain, I assumed my friend was in the east end of town, where the river grew wider. As the city lights dimmed in the rear view mirror the highway began to merge with the calm river waters. It would be a difficult search, but I would find my friend.

The sun had long set, and there sat my friend and the rocky shores of the river. Alone, and without a sweater I could see my friend was no was not as happy as those back in the heart of the city. My friend lay motionless, in the sand, head back staring at the darkening night sky.

“It took me forever to find you; there is a lot of river to follow.” I said. There was no response. “Well, let’s get you back where you belong.” With that my friend stepped into the car, not a word need be said by the unluckiest person in town.

Coffee For Two

2010-01-29T18:33:00.001-05:00

The day was typical, at least so it would seem. The morning laboratory session was a complete disaster, the cafeteria was out of onion rings, and as it has happened every week before, Professor Santos mistook his Tuesday class for his Wednesday class. The lecture hall was buzzing with conversation as my classmates waited for the professor to arrive. My friend and I sat in the front row waiting patiently, discussing the poor performance of the Maple Leafs from the night before. As always, Professor Santos came running in briefcase flying, and coffee in hand; only 9 minutes late this afternoon. Perhaps my watch was slow, perhaps the professor is getting more timely, whatever it was, something was different; it was no longer a typical day… at least not for me; for the unluckiest person in town, however, this was a typical day.

Professor Santos began scurrying down the stairs towards his podium. “I’m sorry, I’m Sorry. I swear, one of these days I will actually get here on time.”

The professor began to sort his papers and the class started to settle down. From the front row I could still hear the ‘Milton Twins’ and company discussing their rowdy weekend adventures.

“Did anyone get up to anything exciting this weekend?” the professor asked?
The class fell silent, as each student looked back at their weekend, analyzing every moment to see if anything was worth presenting. Myself, I was still distracted by the conversation occurring four, maybe five rows behind me.
“… I just can’t believe I waited song long before I let him do that to me”, it was one of the Miltons
“Do what to you Miss Milton?” Professor Santos asked.
“… Oh my god! Umm… forget I even said that.”
Her face grew a bright red, as the class focused solely on her, each leaning forward to hear more of her dirty gossip.
“What’s wrong Miss Milton, fill us in, I’m sure everyone is as curious as I am now.”
The class’s ears perked up, waiting in anticipation.
The professor put his foot up against the armrest of the empty chair next to my luckless friend, leaning forward, his coffee in hand. He took a small sip of his drink and continued, “Please, fill each one of us.”
“Ha, that’s what she said!” A voice cried out from the back of the class.
The room fell silent once again, not knowing what to make of the immature comment. The professor froze, with his coffee cup to his lips. Slowly his cheeks began to grow, like a propane tank in a fire, the pressure was too much; he was going to blow. The hot coffee spurted from the mouth of the professor as his laughter echoed through the lecture hall. The class would be quick to follow, laughing at both the comment, and at the professor who was now lying on the floor, laughing uncontrollably. All were laughing, all expect for my ill-fated friend, who too was on the floor, however, not with laugher, but with pain as the searing coffee began to burn the flesh. Eyelids blistered and bruised, forehead swollen and red, and cheeks lightly rashed. The burns would turn out to be minor, however as I walked down the corridor on the way to the campus clinic, my friend in my arms, I realized one thing: we never did find out what happened to Miss Milton. Some people have all the luck.

Even the Kitchen Sink

2010-01-26T10:21:00.001-05:00

The day was typical, at least so it would seem. The sky was overcast, the breeze cold, the temperatures frigid; it was seemingly a typical winter day. The coffee shop was full, as it always is at this time of the day. Waiting in line to order my lunch, I weighed the options in my head; black forest ham, or BLT? My phone rings; it was no longer a typical day… at least not for me; for the unluckiest person in town, however, this was a typical day.

I arrived at the client to see my unfortunate friend. A nurse showed me to the correct room where I found my fateful comrade receiving stitches above the left eye. Looking at the equipment on the sterilization tray, I could see that the doctor had been sewing for quite some time.

“How bad is it this time doc?” I asked.
“Well we got lucky today. Eleven stitches above the eye, three more on the left cheek, nineteen on the right hand; thirty-three in all.”
I pushed the air out of my lungs and wiped my brow.
“Could be worse.” I threw in.
“It has been worse.”

And the doctor was right, it had been worse… much worse. Despite the barrage of stitches, this was only a minor scratch in ever growing medical records of the unluckiest person in town.

I took a deep breath and braced myself, “What happened this time?”
“Kitchen sink exploded” The doctor replied
A stupid grim swept over the face of clumsy counter-part.
“What?”
“You heard me correctly; a sink exploded. The gash above the eye is from a piece of the faucet, the cheek was a shard of glass from a tea cup, and the hand… well thankfully it was used to block the dinner plate.”
The smile grew yet somehow stupider.
“Well, thankfully everyone is okay… well reasonably”
“Two to three weeks, your friend will be back to normal”
“Thanks doc, see you soon”
“Hopefully not”

I walked out of the client and started me car. With the engine lightly humming, I drifted away into thought, wondering how one person could be so unfortunate. I suppose one can be thankful, better that it wasn’t me. The passenger door flung open as my comrade hopped into the vehicle.
“Come on you goof, lets get you home.”

The Best Part of Waking Up, is Frustration in Your Cup

2009-12-17T13:18:00.001-05:00

To Whom it May Concern

Why is your online billing process so painful? All I want to do is check my current balance and some previous purchases, yet you make the process extremely difficult. First I tried signing up as I was asked to.. I don't know what a client number is, or if I have or need one, but it seems to be rather important because you keep prompting me to enter it. I’m sorry I don’t have one. When I sign up for a “Credit Card session”, I happily provided you with all my information. After spending far too long trying to figure out a password that was exactly 8 characters long and contained both numbers and letters that I would be capable of remembering, I was finally done the registration process… or so I thought. After this I tried to view my balance but was again asked for a client number. Making up numbers apparently did not help. I finally found the button allowing me to view a ‘limited credit card session’ – finally I found what I’m looking for. But wait, my troubles did not stop there, I was again prompted to change my password; what exactly was wrong with the one I original chose? After choosing a new password I was then prompted to… change my password. The system continued to do this until I got too angry to continue; I'm now taking my frustration out on you. Why the hell is your online system so painfully user un-friendly?

Not Just Another

2009-12-17T00:10:00.002-05:00

From the start we were doomed
Yet I carried forth anyway
Do I regret my choices; never
For if I did, I would not be who I am today
I have changed
Perhaps for the better,
Perhaps for the worse
However this change has pulled us apart
From the start we were doomed
Yet I carried forth anyway

What was to only be one night
Proceeded to become a lifetime
A lifetime filled with joy
A lifetime filled with tears
A lifetime filled with experiences
Both new and familiar feelings
Living them all for the first time with you
You were the best I ever had
And yet I never really had you at all
From the start we were doomed
Yet I carried forth anyway

There has always been something
Something to believe in
I was tempted by your flame
And captured by your light
You treated with me dignity
You treated me with respect
My distance has never been of fear
My heart simply demands my space
You may never forgive what I’ve done
Nor will I hold it against you
Listening to my heart
You will never be forgotten
From the start we were doomed
Yet I carried forth anyway

The whispers of fate will gentle flow by
And taunt my every thought
They whisper ‘what if’ as they bring me close
The echoes fade, and the whispers let go
What time will tell has yet to be heard
I just want you to know
You weren’t just another girl.

The Weight Of Disappointment.

2009-12-11T21:26:00.000-05:00

The Weight of Disappointment

I sit here and I worry again
Despite you telling me not to
I worry for you, for your health, and for your peace of mind
I worry too about us, and what we will be.
I worry that maybe we have come as far as we were meant to

I sit here depressed
Because I may once again have my heart broken
I have done this too many times
I am expecting too much perhaps
I fear that maybe we simply are not destined to be.

I dive deeper and deeper into depression
With every minute that passes that I am left alone
You have disappeared again
Already I know that regardless if return or not
You have left a scar on my heart

I sit here again
This same routine of mine
My shoes tied, my pants hemmed, my favourite sweater kept neat
I wait by the phone every minute simply waiting for it to ring.
You have left me here again and taken yet another piece of me
I will smile because I have to
And because I know I should be
I’ll do this countless times again
But one day, it will kill me.

It's Been a While Since I've Bitched About Something.

2009-11-20T13:33:00.002-05:00

So it’s been a while since I posted something. I mean besides today of course. I don’t have a lot to do in the office today, so I’ve decided to write… for the sake of writing – Well in this case it’s more like “bitch for the sake of bitching” – Enjoy!

I’ve decided there are far too many stupid people in the world; I watched a youtube clip of a guy tazering himself. It was pretty funny because the guy was completed knocked out by the shock. This begs the question; who voluntarily tazers themselves that isn’t a police officer in training, or a guinea pig being paid to do it for research purposes? I also watched a kid clothesline himself. I sit and I wonder, “what could possibly posses someone to think this is a good idea?” I understand at that age, one may think they are invincible, and one may think it’s hilarious (which despite trying to make a point about how stupid it is, it is rather funny) but do these people simply lack the gene that says ‘despite the fact that this wont kill me it will still hurt like a bitch’? I don’t know. In talking with Angie, the point was brought up that it is nothing more than the camera that influences this kind of radical behaviour. The idea that one may go viral; a chance at the elusive 15 minutes of fame. This begs another questions however; why would these potential Darwin Award candidates want to be known as the person who tazered themselves? Or the person who thought it would be funny to break and egg in their mouth with a baseball bat? Has stupidity truly become the modern form of flattery? I look at it this way, if I were to take a poll on the streets and ask 100 people if I can punch them in the face for no reason, how many people would say yes? Probably nobody, yet these people seem to volunteer themselves for similar treatment. Perhaps if I filmed it, I would receive a more positive response. The world is a sad, sad, hilarious place.

So who else hates crocks? Seriously, what’s the deal with these “shoes”? I use quotes here because personally I don’t consider them shoes. If anything they are slippers or maybe even sandals, but they are not shoes. I just don’t understand why people would decide to wear something that is neon orange with what is otherwise a regular outfit. I understand they may be comfortable, and under that argument, you have a home in which you can walk around with them on. The cottage? The beach? By the pool? Three other wonderful places to wear these monstrosities, but downtown on a Saturday night… yeah, I’m just going to go walk over here now.

Has anyone else looked at the price of shredders lately? Yes, the office machine that turns paper into smaller strips of paper, or in some cases confetti. Well I assume most of you have not investigated the world of paper shredding, so I will say this about shredders: they are not cheap! The average shredder seems to sell for about 125 bones a unit. I suppose that’s somewhat reasonable, yet from the reviews of shredders, generally speaking, they seem to only have about a two-year lifespan. You would think it would be easier to build something in which the sole purpose of it is to destroy something. I mean, look at the nuclear bomb, that thing is much more efficient – although it can only be used once - but you can forget about any evidence of your credit card numbers, that’s for sure! So the nuke might be a little over the top, but I could purchase a gun for about $125, and not only is that extremely destructive, but it will last more than two years, even with daily use. I forgot where I was going with this, but anyway, I saw a shredder for over $3,000 dollars. Really? For $3,000 I will personally cut up each one of the pages into tiny little pieces! Anyone in need of a sociable shredder?

A shot in the Dark

2009-11-20T11:20:00.001-05:00

I cannot help but wonder what life has planned for me.
Life has introduced me to a person I cannot see
To talk to me as an equal, but it is clear to me
That despite your best efforts, you are in a different league
A league of your own, of extra ordinary players
I become more and more intimidated as I peel back all your layers.
I’m blinded by your life and all you’ve done to date
I’ve accomplished oh so little in the shadow of your fate
You have been put on this earth for far greater things
Than spending time waiting for the joys that I may bring
As much as I am scared of you, I respect all that you can be
I’m just not sure why you want all that to share with me
The more we talk, the more I learn a little about myself
I try to forget the little things, like the riches and the wealth
If ever we should be together in this crazy world
I want it to be genuine and take it for what it’s worth
As I grow to know you I can’t help but feel the spark
My eyes are closed and I pray to God
As I take this shot in the dark

Serious to be Unserious

2009-09-02T09:52:00.001-04:00

I believe the quote “life is what you make of it” is the cause of our need to find structure. The ideas of disorganization, randomness, and chance are intimidating. They scare us, every one of us, with no true exception. We combat these fearful ideas by creating ideas of our own; ideas less threatening; ideas of assembly, of balance, and most importantly – predictability. We try and make our lives what we want them to be. To say this is a bad thing would be to go against human nature, but to say we should trust that our lives would go according to plan is ludicrous. What we should be telling ourselves is to never take life to seriously, because no one gets out alive anyway.

You Can't Judge a Book By its Cover

2009-08-27T15:37:00.001-04:00

What ever happened to common courtesy? When someone says something nice, you thank him or her. If someone looks like they need help, you lend a helping hand. When someone opens a door for you, you accept the courteous gesture and if you’re feeling extra kind, you can even thank the person for doing something as simple as holding a door open.

Well it seems the world is going to hell in a hand basket, and you know who’s leading the way, OLD PEOPLE! That’s right, it appears that it’s no longer Generation Y’s that have forgotten the meaning of good manner, but rather those who practically invented it; the elderly. I was at a gas station this afternoon filling up my tank and simultaneously getting myself a beverage to compliment the left over pizza I had waiting for me at work. On my way out I saw an elderly gentleman making his way towards the double doors; I assume to pay for his gasoline purchase. As I was on my way out, and had to open the door for myself, I kindly pushed the door open and stepped aside, still holding the door, to allow this gentleman to freely pass without hassle of opening the door himself. Standing there, still holding the door, I watched as the man ignores my gesture of good faith and proceeds to open the door directly adjacent to that which is already open. I am now standing there in awe, door still in hand, at what just happened. Who does that?! I mean, I would think that it would almost be a natural instinct to pass through an open door, let alone a sign of respect, grace, and civility. I have seen, more times that I can count, people allowing doors to close behind them with no regard of those who follow; but I must say, I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone purposely pass up what most consider to be a fleeting sign of good favour. Some people!

Well next time I see him, I’m going to run him down in my car. Of course I’m kidding, that would be cruel; instead I’ll just play loud music, use plenty of curse words, and remind him that things no longer cost what they used to!

THICK

2009-08-27T12:00:00.001-04:00

Thick, sticky, almost firm, but not quite. The rubbery film stuck to my fingers as I raised my hand from the ground. I ran my fingers through the semi-solid attempting to determine what my hand had woken me up to. It was dark, still, when I opened my eyes. Where was I?
I sat myself up, wide eyed hoping to take in any rare beam of light scattered in this…this room? I shook my head, attempting to recall how I had gotten here. Nothing.
I leaned back planting both hands on the floor behind me. My left planted back into the sticky film from before. It felt odd, like drying white out; perhaps paint. My right hand found the cold touch of concrete. Most certainly concrete.
The air was warm and stale. The smell of paint was more evident now, and backed my suspicions of the unknown film on my fingers. Concentrating further, another smell tickled my nose, faint, but most certainly present, lingering in my nostrils, toying with my senses. I could not tell what the smell was, but it reminded me of…of what?
Why is everything so distant?
What happened?
Why the hell am I here?
I bowed my head and leaned forward, hands now in front of me. I felt my left hand with my right; the paint was near drying. I could not see for sure, but it felt as though the paint did not transfer from hand to hand.
I sat, arms folded in front of me, bridging my knees to rest the weight of my chin.
What do I do?
Focusing on nothing my ears perked to a faded noise, a drip, barely audible. I leaned into the sound waiting for another, but lost any further drips to the deafening silence.
Did I just imagine that noise?
Where did it come from?
How far away?
Why only one drip?
I lowered my head once again. It hurt; it hurt to think, it hurt even more not to. I ran over my options…limitless it seemed. After…five, ten, fifty minutes...
…Why am I here?
I grabbed at my shirt and ran my hand down the sleeves. This was the same shirt I was wearing…earlier, I suppose. My grey shirt, long sleeves, though made of a very thin fabric and breathed well. I had torn the right cuff, and as such always kept my sleeves rolled up, making sure to roll them inward. This was still the case. My pants, blue jeans, fairly new. I reached into my pockets to find all of their original contents. In my left pocket my debit card and driver license. I had removed them from my wallet that morning because I found my wallet too bulky with these pants. In my right pocket, a tube of chap stick. I leaned to my right side and slid my hand into my left back pocket. I felt what I assumed was the twenty-five dollars I had left in the pocket from the last time I had worn the pants. I shifted my weight to my left side and slid my hand as before into my other pocket to find…a piece of paper; a small one, partially torn, conceivably from a larger piece of paper. I pulled it out and unfolded it in front of me. Holding it close to my eyes I strained to see what, if anything, was written on it. I swept my fingers across the paper and felt no indents. I placed the paper back into my pocket and lowered my head between my legs once again.
After what felt like ten minutes I decided it was best to explore my immediate surroundings. I slowly laid on my stomach, flat, arms to my sides, legs straight. I ran each my left and right arm out in an arcing motion, reminding myself of the days when I would make snow angels; a paint angel it would seem this time, as my left arm was now most certainly covered in the paint. The paint ran well beyond the reach of my left arm and ended just clear of my elbow. My right arm felt nothing but more cold concrete. As I ran my arms back and forth along the cold floor I could sense a slight slope, sloping down and away from my current position.
Typical drainage slope
After exhausting my reach I repeated the process with my legs. My left leg swung out uninterrupted, but it was not long before my right was stopped by what felt like a wall. I upped myself to a prone position and slowly crawled backwards until I could feel the wall with both feet. The wall was also concrete with no baseboard or base-plate, I ran my fingers along the wall and floor intercept to find that it was uniformly poured during its construction. I turned to face the wall and ran my hands in all directions as far as I could reach while staying on my knees and felt nothing. I turned back to the…empty room?
My head hurt again. I leaned my back against the wall the lowered my head.

Time had passed, it was difficult to say how much; maybe fifteen minutes, maybe more, maybe less. I lifted my head and stared into the darkness which surrounded me…
…Why did nothing make sense?
I sat against the wall, my head burning from the inside. It was unusual for me to experience even a headache, yet I could not help but feel that even a migraine would be more pleasant that this…
…What happened to me?
What have they done?
Who the hell is they?
My head my slowly tearing itself apart form the within. Sharp pains blasting from the depths of my head, breaching the base of my skull with an icy cold touch; it was too much. Then…nothing. The pain was gone.
It was time to move, time to explore this…this place. My brave thoughts were followed only by hesitation, deciding to move left or right along the wall. In the end, I found myself drawn to explore the wall to my left, perhaps to find the source of the paint. Staying low to the ground and keeping my back to the wall, I slowly shifted my way to my left. After five, maybe ten feet, I could feel the thickness of the paint beneath my left foot, soon after, beneath my right. With my left are extended and flush against the wall I continued to slide down the length of wall, slowly and cautiously, making sure to keep my senses vigilant.

That Time Already

2009-08-27T11:16:00.002-04:00

So it’s that time of year again! That’s right; there are only 126 days left in the calendar year before the 21st Century hits it’s first set of double digits. 126 days to make 2009 a year to remember. It’s time to start thinking about the things that have been done and the things that haven’t. Yes sir, it’s time for that fall overhaul. As a wise hick once told me, “Get yir piggies outta the pen and clean up that shit”. Good advice if I do say so myself. I don’t own a pen, or any ‘piggies’ but I do understand the metaphor and should probably head his red neck advice. (Wow! I never once thought I would hear myself say that in my lifetime.) Nonetheless, it’s time to make a change, get the ball rolling, up the ante, clean up the shit! Yet here I am wondering what I can do to make these next 10 and a half dozen days truly worth remembering. I could break the bank and travel the world; take a chance and go skydiving; drop everything and become a hermit. Most likely, however, I will continue with the same daily routine, simply waiting for an opportunity to make something happen. Then again who knows. 239 days down 126 days left. Bring it on little piggies!

Funny People

2009-08-19T00:58:00.003-04:00

It’s funny how the things that make us the happiest can also bring out the saddest in us. We cherish the good times, hold them close, never to be kept too far away. The good times will always be with us to remind us that life really can be fun and games. We remind ourselves of the best so that we can forget the worst, but often the best can equally remind us of the worst; remind us of the smiles that have been lost; remind us of the memories we can only dream to create. A heart can be overwhelmed by emptiness when all logic should suggest a feeling of fulfillment, of humour, of enjoyment. Life has a funny way of bringing the world together even as we try to pull it apart. We dissect ourselves to try and discover why life is so complicated when the reality is nothing more than it’s awe-inspiring simplicity. A single smile can flood us with feelings, which ever they shall be. Every day is a new memory, and every day reminds us to smile, as well reminds us we may often be missing something worth smiling for. Life is irony in itself; it’s worth laughing at. We have all said that life can be funny sometimes, but maybe we're what's funny; maybe we’re all just funny people.

A Story About Starbu... I mean Love

2009-08-12T10:42:00.001-04:00

Awww, so cute. I remember the day those two love birds met actually. It was a beautiful late summer day, the air was crisp with love. I remember seeing this wonderful brunette with a perfect smile, but alas her eyes were not for me, but another man. It took me a while to see who she was looking at, but it didn't take long to see that a simple street could not keep these two apart. I will always remember that day, it was the first time i ever ordered the Vanilla Bean Frapachino. As i sat by the window of the Starbucks, enjoying my Vanilla treat, i witnessed love bloom. No, I wasn't in the same Starbucks as her..What?, NO i wasn't in his either. I was actually in the one on the second floor two doors down. You know that new one they put in, that over looks the park.. yeah yeah that one, the one directly above that old Starbucks.

For The Best

2009-07-29T15:06:00.002-04:00

If you only knew
They I doubt you would have stayed with me
If I could prove to you
That it wasn’t all just make-believe
The time we shared
The gifts we gave
The hugs we shared
The games we played
Every moment was as real as it could be
I’m just sorry I couldn’t be your fantasy.

I woke this morning with a headache
The night before I just couldn’t shake
Things went so well, at least at first
Then by night fall that bubble burst
You questioned me, why I can’t provide
Why my feelings fell short, why I never tried
I shake my head I’m so confused
Where did this come from, must be the booze
I’m in this corner now, you’ve boxed me in
I won’t swing wildly instead I’ll listen
Time and time again we act like this
But neither of us would be the first to admit
That this conversation just had to happen
We were both just too scared to hear the answer
The reasons that you explained to me
The hot, the cold, the daily swings
I felt the same way; I just was agreed
Never thought that’d be the end of things
It’s over now and my heads so much clearer
The headache’s gone, but the heartache’s nearer

Only God Can Make a Tree

2009-07-20T13:52:00.000-04:00

A tree. Nothing more. As tall as it was full, almost overwhelming to look at. Circling the truck of the tree, the leaves glowed a pure yellow, touching on a feeling of innocence. As the branches grew and reached outwards, the leaves began to change, quickly but effortlessly transforming colours to a golden orange. A beautiful color it was. As the branches narrowed towards the tips, the fingernail leaves glowed fiercer to a fiery orange, but never quite red, simply a blazing orange. As the wind gently blew through the leaves, it seemed to give it life, the tree danced with the swift winds, bringing the inferno into existence. Flames of maple dazzling the eyes. Loose leaves would soon lose touch of their woodland mother and glide gracefully down through the air; a gentle orange rain born of a wild orange flame. I wish you had been there, if not to take a picture, then simply to see. I wish I could say more, but simply put, it took my breath away.

You're On Your Own

2009-06-24T16:21:00.001-04:00

It’s time again for everyone to start to wonder
When I erupt it is bound to make you run and duck for cover
Get your pens and papers ready to take notes for some debating
I’m back again, so sorry to keep you all in waiting
You’ve all been kind and everyone’s been oh so patient
I’m blown away at the virtue you all have been displaying
But pay attention now because I’ll say it without hesitation
There is no second chance when you explode in people faces
Make sure to soak it in cuz you’ll be tested on this narration
To see if you picked things up in your world of imagination

So here we are again, in this exact same position
I keep saying things even though you never listen
So lets trade shoes and put yourself in my position
I gave you everything I could to make your life more than simply decent
And here we again, now later but no different
I’m still willing to lend a hand while you make things lurid
I only walked away so I wouldn’t grow to hate this
I cared too much to see the wall and the paint to used to paint it
The writing’s on the wall and it’s your written in which it’s written
I helped you clean it once but you’ve no longer got me smitten
Pray, cry, bitch, moan, and scream at me for missing
Now you know how life is when no one cares to listen

So don’t you cry
I cannot lie
I let you go
You should have known
It’s not just me
I left you be
In your world alone
No place for me; You’re on your own.

The last thing you ever said to me wasn’t even to my face
You’re hurt because life has finally put you in your place
You say it’s common now for all to ignore you call
Perhaps it wouldn’t have been like this if you never let them fall
How could you not knew what you were doing when you did this
Taking time to ride the line with smiles and good spirits
You played me for a fool and god knows how many others
Does it really surprise you that we have learned for these blunders
Mistakes were made but I see just what kind of person you’ve become,
Because it hurt to play these stupid games, but now I’m glad we're done
I said that I would help if you ever need that extra hand
But I know that you can’t bring yourself to ask that of a friend
Stubborn, arrogant, egotistical or malicious
Whatever trait you to reach onto will leave you alone and in the ditches
I don’t know how you changed so much from the girl that I once knew
You built a castle with your attention, a queen for all to grabble to
It all came down and now you’re your lost, I could have seen it coming
You never had to the foundation and now you’re left with noting
I know I’ll never hear from you again, You’re too stubborn to ask for help
You’ll learn your lesson soon enough when you’re left with nothing but yourself.

So don’t you cry
I cannot lie
I let you go
You should have known
It’s not just me
I left you be
In your world alone
No place for me;

You’re on your own.

Because It's Not Topical

2009-06-12T14:55:00.003-04:00

How come there aren’t more foods that comes in ‘popcorn’ form?
Whoever said laughter was the best medicine has never been sick!
Speaking of which, has anyone clinically killed themselves laughing?
It’s amazing the “Clear Out Your Desk” cake isn’t more popular.
Did the Scarecrow actually have a brain before, because I think the Wizard of Oz was just full of it. (After all, without a brain, how would the scarecrow know any better)
Why is so much effort made to make vegetarian products so similar to meat products? They made their choice. (There is something about vegetarian meatballs that doesn’t quite sit right)

Back to the Basics

2009-04-09T15:49:00.002-04:00

Back to the Basics

I don’t know how to start this off
Every time I think my mind goes soft
Like Jello in a mold it takes perfect shape
Then I go to taste it and it all goes to waste
But jello without a mold it’s all out of place
This is how I feel now when pen gets put to page

Every minute of every hour of every single day
Is spent wondering why everything happened that way
What’s right, what’s wrong, what’s meant to be different
What’s mine, what’s gone, is this how things should be
With so much on my mind, you would think my words would pay
Yet when it’s time to cash it in I’m left with nothing else to say.

It’s not that I’m just not emotional
I speak so much I’m practically promotional
It’s just so much harder to get things into verse
Seems all I do lately is waste it all in curse
The harder I try the harder it is for my mind to formulate
The feelings that I’m feeling, it’s rather quite unfortunate
I rhyme just fine, so now it’s time to shine
But the words I am seeking I just can’t seem to find

What ever happened to those days of the past
When I would take the time to write every day in class
So much to say and an ability to say it
On this lyrical road, I was laying down the pavement
My life’s changed so much in the last few years
With every emotion from laughter to the tears
Friends come, friends gone, friend’s staying in their places
Fist fights, love songs, I’ve shown so many faces
With all this to show yet my words turn to vapour
Every time I try to put this pen to this paper.

I just want to create something of some substance
Instead of wasting time making absently no sense
Bitching about nothing for thirty something lines
Inventing words just make things rhyme.
What happened to the words that I once could say
Closed my eyes and let the pen find its way
Open them next to see the words a poet wrote
Read through it once and make a couple notes
Close my eyes again and write it one last time
When ink touched that paper it was perfect every time.

The Words We Live By

2009-03-16T12:29:00.001-04:00

“I’m too old and it seems out of reach; but nowadays, everything seems out of reach. I know I’ve got what it takes to succeed; I just don’t know what the fuck I want to be. I don’t know where I’m going; I don’t know what my future holds. How can a path be chosen when no one knows what’s down the road?”

- Michael Boyd

Returning Your Message

2009-03-15T01:13:00.003-04:00

I know what you mean; I had one of those nights last week. It was amazing! A well deserved (and expensive) night out. Right now. however, I'm a little into the bottle and watching an infomercial for "Turbo Jam" - it's basically Toe Bow meets 20 minute workouts. They guarantee 10lbs and 10in in 10 days. I believe it. It basically looks like a high intensity kick boxing class compressed into a twenty minute workout. Even I can't do half the shit on this DVD. It's like a weight-loss DVD for people who are already in shape. I don't get this?! A 300 lb man would probably die from a heart attack. These workouts also look more like a choreographed dance... How am i expected to remember this? These people all scare me, they are all far too happy...

Don't Beat Up Rihanna

2009-03-11T17:15:00.003-04:00

You know what I'm sick of? People's opinions about Rihanna and Chris Brown. I'm sick of hearing about this. It's not so much that I’m sick of hearing that it occurred, nor hearing about what the latest is on their relationship, but rather, I’m sick of everyone who seems to know what is right and what is wrong. Now don't get me wrong here, hitting a woman is about as right as microwaving kittens, I'm not saying that what he did is fine, nor am I saying that if she did it, would it be okay, it's never okay to hit a person. I want to make that clear before I continue.

I was listening to the radio today and found out that Diddy (or P-Diddy, whichever he goes by these days) is lending out his home so that Rihanna and Chris can have a place to get away from the media and discuss this. Apparently Diddy is Satan for doing this. And I quote the voices heard from my car speaking this morning "If he was a true friend, Diddy wouldn't even allow Rihanna within 100 yards of Chris brown". Yes, that's right, it's apparently Diddy's fault now. I don't know about you, but I think that Diddy allowing them to try to rectify the situation, and give up his home as a therapeutic place of resolution is rather honourable of him. And since when was Rihanna kidnapped and forced to go to Diddy's house, I'm pretty sure this was a voluntary action.

Diddy, on the Ellen Show, also made mention that we are to "pray" for Chris and Rihanna as they attempt to get through these hard times; expressing that life is often cruel and that even the best of relationships often have ugly patches. I’m aware that this patch is uglier than most, arguably the worst thing that could happen to a person in a relationship, and once again, I'm not saying that striking a woman is a reasonable action; it's not! We don't know what happened that night, and we don't know what happened every day leading up to that night, nor the days thereafter. We don't know the emotional bond these two share, nor do we know what they are thinking or feeling, so why then do so many feel it is their place to cast the first stone?

We have all experienced situations in which we question our partners. Perhaps it didn't involve physical abuse, but there is more than one reason to walk away from a relationship. Everyone seems to support the “Leave Him” approach, but what does not seem to occur to anyone is that perhaps Rihanna sees things differently than the ‘media’ - and therefore the rest of the world that is oh so quick to judge. The media will forever label Chris as a ‘beater’ and “once a beater, always a beater”. Maybe, just maybe, she believes people can change, that people can learn, and that people make mistakes in life that they wouldn’t dare repeat again. We've all been down that road and back, and perchance even to this degree, but regardless we have all been victims just as we have all been transgressors; we've all done things we believed we were incapable of.

For all we know, (because not a one of us does know), Rihanna sees what no one else appears to see, that it was a mistake.. not a character trait. I’m not defending Chris Brown, there is no justifying his actions, but Rihanna is a big girl now boys and girls, and she can leave whenever she wants; if she hasn't yet, there is clearly a reason. But you're right, maybe Sally from Minnesota knows what's best for Rihanna, after all her opinion is clearly correct. I'm not Rihanna, and I'm not Chris Brown, and because I'm neither of them, I say let them make their own decision. Or we could just blame Diddy.

-From the mind of JRL with added inspiration from Angie.
P.S. Visit Angie’s Loung

Feeling Sorry for Winterlude

2009-02-12T14:28:00.002-05:00

So here in Ottawa we have a yearly winter festival called winterlude.

Hilariously enough, it seems that every year when winterlude begins the weather always seems to heat up. Great for some of us; terrible for others. Personally I don’t mind the increased temperatures, despite the fact that it usually comes with rain, slush, and gloomy days. That being said it’s currently above freezing and that puts a smile on my face.

To the point however! A big part of the this yearly festival is an international ice-sculpting competition. Some years bring out more sculptures than others, but every year it is amazing to see what people can create out of a block or two of ice. I was fortunate enough to see some of the sculptures before Mother Nature decided to play her yearly miss-timed April’s Fool joke.

I was speaking to a friend in regards to said ice sculptures to which she told me she always felt sorry for them, similar to how she felt about a certain lamp in a certain IKEA commercial. (If you haven’t seen it, a lamp is thrown out, and through sad music, panning in and out, and terrible weather conditions, we, the viewer, begin to feel for the curbside piece of metal) I asked myself how one could feel as bad for a lamp as an ice sculpture. How could one feel bad for either? The creator of the lamp and similarly the ice sculptures, sure, but the inanimate objects themselves? Amazing how we do however. I too even felt bad. That being said, my sympathies will certainly go to the ice. The ice, with time, will melt. The image of a grasshopper minatore will not longer put a twisted smile on the faces of the passing children. The country of France will have nothing to show for their efforts except a photograph and a ribbon with the number 1 on it. Where as the lamp, will simply remain a lamp. Whether curbside, or bedside, the lamp will always be a lamp. Perhaps even the home of some small garbage dwelling squirrel or chipmunk. Perhaps it will find better days as a decoration for a hobo. It may be even be pickup by a passerby and once again be used as a lamp. Feel if you must for these creations, but always remember, there will be other lamps, as I assure you there will be other half melted winterlude ice sculptures.

The snow sculptures however, they deserve no sympathy.

Apple Bloggers: The Obsession of Fruit Gone Computer

2009-01-23T15:30:00.002-05:00

There are a lot of piteously obsessive people in the world.
Now I'm not saying my life is extraordinary, far from it; so you don't have to travel down the path of pointing out that I'm not the most worthwhile and productive member of society.
Anyway, to the point:
I was reading an article during my lunch break about 'Apple Bloggers'. As you may or may not know, January 24th marks the 25th anniversary of the original Apple Personal Computer and these Apple Bloggers are having a field day. Apparently there exists a group of people (who don't work for Apple) who are so, dare I say, devout to the brand name that they spends hours and hours every day just blogging, and chatting about whatever news they can get their keyboard mashing hands on in regards to the next p.o.s that apple releases. Good God, don't these people have anything better to do? I mean, it’s somewhat ironic that I posted a story on my blog about bloggers, but this is so much more than little Suzy dedicating a blog to her little Shitzu ‘Bubbles’. Some of these Apple Bloggers go as far as searching through patent papers to figure out what apple MIGHT be patenting; looking through U.S. business archives to try and map out Apples next moves; this and other fairly extreme measures to attempt to stay in the loop. I can understand if these people are heavily invested in the business, which (according to the article) they are not. These are just regular people who believing that Apple can do no wrong. Seems to me like people need to look at life differently when they are so obsessed with a company's going-on's that they feel it is necessary to somehow invite themselves into the world of a multimillion dollar corporation. Beyond sales, Apple doesn't care about the buyers, why the hell do the buyers waste their time caring about them.

Then again, who am I to judge? Society feeds on gossip. Everything has a following these days, weather it be movies, games, sports, or business. Guess there is nothing different here than anywhere else. Blog on Apple lovers, blog on!

The Dream About Who

2008-12-03T17:12:00.002-05:00

Well I can only remember bits and pieces here and there. It was one of those dreams where you wake up in the morning and its so fresh in your mind that you swear you will never loose grasp of it, then by the time you are in the shower you’ve managed to only scrape what little remains in your mind; you’ve lost most of it, and nothing makes sense anymore… yes, one of those dreams.

I don’t really remember how it all started, I assume it had an explanation as to why we were where we were, but I’m not sure what it was, so just go with it. I’ll jump right to the cake.

So we are on a submarine. It’s a passenger sub, and for whatever reason it’s become an efficient and fun way to travel. Essentially it has replaced conventional cruise ships as it has become safer to travel underwater than on top and, not to mention it has become a rather prompt form of travel. (It takes only a few days to get from North America to Europe.)

So we are both on the ship for business purposes, but we didn’t come together. I didn’t know you were on the ship up until to point where I can begin to remember the dream:

So I’m going to the dinning hall to partake in the “Captain’s Dinner” so naturally, everyone is dressed up rather nicely for the occasion. I go to my table assigned to me based on my cabin number and socialize with those already present, explaining my business purposes and other general conversation. After dinner there is of course dancing, but for the most part I choose to simply relax at the table talking to those who seem to share an interest in what I have to say. As I lower my rye and ginger I see a woman between the many people on the dance floor, but only for a second, but enough to catch my attention. Red dress, longer on the right side tapering up on the left, matching lacy red heels, long wavy brown hair that bounced ever so gently as she spun gracefully on the dance floor.

Distracted from conversation, my eyes fought to find her again in the crowd, but was lost trying to search in the sea of people from my table. I continued talking and finished up at a natural pace thinking nothing more of the woman in red.

On my way back to my room I took a detour down a hallway of glass, open to the sea outside. There wasn't much of interest outside, hardly the display they have at sea world, but there was still something so peaceful about looking out directly into the blue. Having only a plate of glass between myself and ocean.

A voice.

"Calming isn't it?" It asked.

I turned and sure enough it was the woman in red. It was you. Older; not to much older, I would say 26 maybe. You've matured quite nicely if you don’t mind me saying. You seem taller, not allot talker, but it could just be the heals, I can't tell at this point. We walk and talk, about what I’m not sure, I assume we are catching up on things. A blur, and somehow we are now at a lounge bar, laughing it up, talking about whatever it is we manage to talk about.

Then by some fate (or by decision) we end up back at my room (and I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not what you're thinking, despite myself wishing otherwise). The room is odd, though every room is similar; almost natural it would seem, as it this design is the norm for every vessel of this kind. The room entrance opens into a regular height room, but is still rather small. It contains a washroom on the right with a toilet, standing shower and sink. Nothing more. To the left is a small table with a coffee maker, a drawer with a bible and storage area for small carry on cases. To the left of it, is an outlet with four plugs instead of two. A closet makes up the rest of the left wall. Directly in field of vision, the room suddenly shrinks to half the height, were in which lays a double bed with no box spring. Despite the lack of box spring the bed is extremely comfortable. Once on the bed, there is only enough room to sit up with perhaps 4 inches to spare, most certainly not a large space, but yet it seems to suit the purpose of sleeping.

We lay in bed together face to face simply talking once more. I remember a conversation about rainbows and how you are only fond of the top of the rainbow because the colours at the top make you happy. You speak negatively of those you call “the dark colours”. You dislike them because they are both dark and at the bottom of the rainbow; the tighter arc causes you to find them rather depressing. I find this odd, but yet still find logic in your reasoning. Needless to say, you still enjoy a good rainbow.

That's all I remember

Face Off: Hollywood's Unseen Damages

2008-11-12T18:10:00.005-05:00

So yeah. Watched Face-off yesterday. That's the movie where they take each other’s faces off, much like the title “Face Off” suggests. Man, I remember seeing that movie when it first came out. And I mean, as it was then, it is now, a stereotypical Hollywood action film. I'll give it credit in that it at least doesn't have some of the ridiculous special effects like some movies today, and at the very least, the action scenes are filmed with real actors performing real stunts. I mean, I can get over the fact that literally every vehicle explodes when it probably shouldn't, but what I could not get over was the damage that wasn't shown.

Not sure if you remember the movie, but Travolta and Cage change skins essentially. And so the bad guy is now in Travolta's cop body, while the good guy is now in Cage’s criminal body. Anyway Travolta's character must be acting really weird, (or so you would think) and his daughter must have been at least a little creeped out when daddy decided to start hitting on her and grabbing her sweet sweet sexy teen ass. Not to mention that towards the end of the movie, there is a scene in which he straight up gropes her and then licks her face while suggesting to Cage (who’s her actual farther) that he is going to have his way with his daughter. Now I'm not a shrink or anything, but I'm pretty sure this kind of behaviour would have a physiologically damaging effect on a person. So after all is said and done the family is fucked. Let’s look over our possibilities here:
If the cop doesn’t reverse the procedure and stays in Cage's skin, the wife will forever see the face of the man that shot their son. If the cop takes his old Travolta (and original) skin back, the daughter will forever see her father as the man that nearly raped her. I'm really not sure there is a safe way out of this situation. Moreover, when Travalta does return home (as himself) after everything was "fixed", his first action upon seeing his little girl was to slide his hand down her face (a mannerism unique to the cop’s character; something that should be seen as lovely, and possible calming) however, while performing said act, he caught a piece of her lip with he tracing fingers (just ever so gently…and sensually.) 'Yeah, daddy likes his finger in your mouth sweetie.'
Maybe she likes it. Maybe this whole experience, in some sort of sick Freudian way, has attracter her to her father.
Creepy.
Oh, and in case you are wondering how this family will ever recover form the loss of their child/brother, don’t worry, it will be easy. The family managed to replace the lost child with one of similar age and appearance; ironically enough, it was Cages old kid, who's now left without a mother and father.
Awwww, another happy ending!
A new son to replace the old one; a reminder of a father's face that was once eager to get into his daughter's pants; and the constant uncertainly left with the wife as she slowly starts to feel more and more empty after sleeping with a man she thought was her husband only to find out after that it was in fact the man that killer her son. But at least things are "back to the way they were"

In a Card Game With Vegans

2008-08-26T09:06:00.002-04:00

Before even begging to write my knee jerk opinion to an article I read, I just want to take this time to say that I have NOTHING against vegans. Their lifestyle does not scare, disturb, nor offend me. Vegans have made a personal choice to support that lifestyle, whether the reasoning is moral, environmental, or whatever. I know only a few vegans and I have never said their choice in lifestyle is inferior to any other, I simply do not feel that lifestyle is appropriate for me. This entry is not to pass judgment on vegans, but rather to provide a theoretical reaction based on a short article I read regarding several statements suggesting ‘veganism’ will improve our environmental crisis. I will say this about vegans though, they are tremendously difficult to cook for if you are preparing them a special dinner.

Now that we have that out of the way I can blab on.

Okay, so really? Turning the whole world vegan will solve everything eh? I’m not buying it. Sure animals will all live, there will be a natural balance…eventually. But well, how long do you think that balance would take to reach. Perhaps my mind works differently than most peoples, and I’m not going to lie, I’ve done absolutely no research to support my argument, which is why I consider it only a theory, but please, humour me for a minute and read on.

Let’s say that as of today, the entire population of the world turned vegan. All over the world meat packing plants would shut down, stamping an expiry date on Millions of jobs. Cows no longer serve a purpose and are left to run free in the wild. Cows begin to die off because they have become infected due to extensive periods without being milked. Unable to produce enough calfs to drink the milk the o’naturel way, cows die in incredible numbers. Chickens, now insignificant, are thrown into the natural order of the food chain, somewhere at the bottom, with humans. Weasels have a field day and stock up, nabbing chickens left right and centre, and storing them in their snack sacs as there is no longer a coop to protect these helpless and delicious chickens. Weasel populations explode, as they quickly become masters of the earth. In time those left alive will become their slaves. Sheep are left ungroomed as there is no longer a need for wool. They all go blind as the untamed wool is pulled over their eyes. Many walk of cliffs, most are eaten by the weasels. Hats and sweaters are fabricated from hemp and polyester as a substitute for wool. Everyone moves south because it’s too damn cold. Florida is already full; we are forced to move elsewhere. Farmers are forced to turn their land from feeding grounds to orchards. The result is displacing the once cared for animals into the wild. They feed the weasels. The demand on fruit and vegetables sky-rockets and farmers can’t keep up. Trees take too long to plant, the farmers go broke, or die, which ever comes first. The world economy is thrown out of control as the suicide rate jumps. Families are forced to starve because they can no longer afford what used to be reasonably priced fruits, vegetables, beans, and rice. The food chain gets tangled in a knot as we are left hanging at the base of the chain, gripping on for dear life to the kicking legs of the chickens above us; the weasels put on their dinning bibs and cartoonishly remove their knives and forks so conveniently stored amongst their fur. Wineries and breweries are laughing as the price of wheat, hops, and grapes exponentially increase. We are now forced to pay $25 for a bottle of beer. Truly this is a tragedy. Don’t let this happen to our world. People, if you truly care about the environment, you will kill helpless animals and eat them for sustenance. Eat a chicken, save a life.

Monday = Mundane

2008-08-25T14:15:00.001-04:00

Why do people use the expression “wake up dead” - who came up with this expression? Did they wake up dead?
Do they still teach kids about recycling in school or has that become common knowledge
What’s the deal with Mac getting all up in PC’s grill, neither make a good computer
Do ghosts only whisper? Is there such thing as a ghost talker? Ghost screamer?
What exactly is new about Times New Roman? What did Times Old Roman look like?
It must be annoying to have people eat your canvas if you’re a sandwich artist

Writing for the Sake of Writing

2008-08-20T16:01:00.001-04:00

That’s basically about what I’m doing. I really don’t have an opinion on anything, well nothing that would really be relevant to the “theme” of my blog page at least. I mean I suppose I could just rant about football or something, but really, that’s not why I made this page. I made it so you the reader (ahahahahahah what reader) could enjoy my work and my dip into the insanity and nonsense that is my mind.

So where do I start, ummm, lets see; dolphins. Awesome creatures. Mother nature, way to go buddy! Good work on these little buggers - Super smart, really fun, not to mention interesting enough that we managed to make a television series with a dolphin as the star.
Speaking of flipper, who ever came up with the idea for a show involving a dolphin? I can only imagine the discussion in the board room at NBC
“We need a new show idea and we need one for this fall season”
“Well the beach boys are big, maybe me can make a show about surfing”
“No no, that will never fly it’s too cliché and mindless, but the beach, I like that”
“We need something fun, something that will yell ‘hey kids watch this show it’s better than all the other shows on tv’”
“I’ve got it lets make a show about a dolphin, in Miami, with good looking trainers!”
“Brilliant!!! But wait, how will we get the dolphin to do what we want”
“Simple; we will use 5 female dolphins for most of the interactions and tricks, and we will get a more powerful male dolphin to do what I like to call “the tail walk””
“I like it….but wait, I’m still not convinced. How will the dolphin talk?”
“Well, she won’t. But we’ll just replace the dolphin’s voice with that of a bird!”
“Perfect, lets run it!”
Makes you wonder how they came up with that farfetched idea in the 60’s? Hmmm.
Man, how times at NBC have changed (NBC please don’t sue me! I enjoy your primetime programming and your Olympic coverage is supreme….seriously don’t sue me, I’ll keep pitching your station if it keeps me out of hot water…no pun intended)
Gotta hand it to them, they got 3 years of programming out of it.

So what’s next on the list that I’m making up as I go along… oh eggs.
Why do the egg farmers of wherever insist on pushing eggs as being more than a breakfast food. Truly, I do understand the benefits of eggs. They are a great source of calcium, vitamins, and provide a substantial amount of energy, but really, for dinner? Yes yes, you can mix eggs with almost any dish to spice it up, but perhaps I’m simply too traditional to enjoy eggs beyond noon. At 8pm when I’m thinking “what would satisfy me right now”, eggs, well they simply are not the first (or second) thing that comes to my mind. So why then do you try and tell me that eggs are great for dinner. I want my steak, my potatoes, my hamburgers, my onion rings, my carrots, my whisky chicken, my eggs, wait no.. no eggs. Shame on you egg farmers of wherever for trying to convince me that eggs are as tasty when the sun goes down as when the sun comes up. Now if only I had more time in the morning to cook them.

What’s the deal with movie theater popcorn. How did they make it so tasty? Personally, I’m convinced it’s completely psychological. They use the exact same machines at sporting arenas and such, and really, lets face it, popcorn at the arenas isn’t as good as at the theater. I once believed Little Debbie put nicotine in their snake cakes, which is what made them so delicious and irresistible as a child. I would eat a whole box because I simply couldn’t put them down. (This isn’t true, so again I’m going to ask that Little Debbie not to sue me) Perhaps movie theater popcorn has these same “nicotine” properties, infused in the butter they use. I don’t know. I personally never order the popcorn, but that’s because it costs more than the ticket to get in.

Why do people like coffee so much. Like really, it tastes like crap and is terrible for you. And for all you that have become a slave to coffee, shame on you. But my questions is, who out there drank coffee for the first time and was like “Oh my God, this is delicious, this bean made brew is superb. I need to consume as much of this as I possibly can. Wow, it’s like the more I drink the better I feel, oh wait, I’m crashing…” *sip* “Hey it works almost instantly. Good God this is the worlds greatest creation.” Not sure who, if anyone, would even say that, but that’s my interpretations of coffee drinkers. Yes, I’m a jerk like that. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to have a cup of tea before my shift end. Speaking of which… Earl Grey, not British.. Chinese. Go figure eh!

It's been a while. I've been busy, apparently that means I'm no longer creative.

2008-08-08T15:35:00.003-04:00

What if the Sun took a vacation?
What the hell is "Love Fluff" - if I was fat, should I be insulted?
What is a tab? Who decided that should be a key?
Imagine how self-conscious an elephant must feel
What ever happened to the old fashion circuses with freaks, and ponies, and human cannon balls?
Who ever decided that vertical blinds were a good idea?
Will there ever be a Rocky 7?

Yet More Thoughts - Officially Distracted

2008-07-11T13:12:00.001-04:00

Who decided there was a man in the moon, I mean really, it looks nothing like a person. Not a very attractive one anyway.

The lady that cleans the office keeps knocking papers off my walls and then does not clean them up. I ask my self, is it only her job to clean it up if I cause the mess?

Does anyone really believe that honking a horn will make you think of a terrible chocolate bar, it doesn’t, I would know, I get honked at.

Can you forget that you forgot something?

Oh Fire Logs, You Have Become Obsolete

2008-07-09T11:08:00.004-04:00

What’s the deal with scented fire logs? Really, do I need a log that smells like coffee. One I saw online smelt of lavender. Lavender? If I’m keeping warm in the middle of winter why the hell do I want a lavender scented house. For that matter why do I want anything besides the smell of burning wood. I love the homey warm embracing scent of a fire in the fire place. And another thing what the hell is wrong with the world today when we’ve replaced an actual fire with a HD version for our TV’s. Terrible people… simply terrible. This is truly the ultimate in laziness and overall decline in human interaction. And please, don’t give me some BS excuse about the environment, a few logs makes little difference. It generates heat which keeps us and others warm, and thousands and thousands of trees are destroyed by NATURAL causes every year. So next time you're cold, grab some wood and watch the beauty of nature in your own home, the way it should be enjoyed, scentless and in three dimensions.

A Penny For My Thoughts

2008-07-09T11:08:00.003-04:00

Okay so does anyone still use pennies? I mean, I don’t. I think maybe once a year I will roll them to produce foldin’ money and really that’s about it. I would say get rid of pennies all together, but I’m sure people wouldn’t appreciate everything being rounded up to the nearest 5 cent. Although I suppose companies could be nice and round down. Obviously that will never happen. But really, other than the detailed results of the 'end of year financial report' those digits at the rear end of the decimal mean absolutely nothing. Grab your pennies people, unite in the world’s largest wishing well celebration. Together we will throw them all into a giant lake and wish that they never come back!

Wild Fire Of Confusion

2008-07-03T14:09:00.002-04:00

If I knew what I was feeling
Perhaps I would be able to explain it
However I fear that I cannot
As I am far from understanding it myself
I haven’t been this vulnerable in a long time
Lately, I feel that it has been more hostile
I’m not sure if its your actions or my jealousy
For a while things were going quite well
I was not upset
I was not angry
I was not even jealous
Though I will always be slightly heartbroken
I was, in fact, happy, content.
There were some moments even
Where I was feeling rather superior
A sense of satisfaction in knowing I had avoided something
A realization that I never did or said such things
A feeling of relief.
I mean this not in an insulting way
It simply reminds me of what made things so great
What made things worthwhile
What made things our own
Without fear of anger, violence, or depression
We forged our own path
One of tranquility and relaxation
I don’t know what draws you to the flames
The light, the heat, the intensity
Perhaps it’s the unpredictability that you crave
A wild fire you are
This I always knew
But is being a contained burn not better than being burned
The spectacle of light as it dances
But yet I suppose the wrath of such things is beautiful too
And yet you laugh away the pain
I respect that, because I often cannot
Myself, I choose to avoid the pain, and simply laugh
If ever you wish to speak to me
I will not judge despite my contradicting opinions
You are who you are
That is what I love so much about you
My ears are open
My shoulder is braced
Despite being so vulnerable
You somehow make me feel strong
So I will wait until you’re ready
As a lifetime is long.

It's been a while. Pop

2008-06-26T14:08:00.001-04:00

Will a blind person use the saying “It’s best to be seen and not heard?”
Is it possible to be afraid of widths instead of heights? Lengths?
If I make a comic, will be a movie 25 years from now?
Why do calendars only have 5 weeks when every year there are at least two months that need 6?

Thank God It's Friday's Random Thought

2008-06-13T11:17:00.000-04:00

Why doesn’t acid waste ever give people powers? Why do we keep pretending it does?

Another Pointless Thought

2008-06-11T09:30:00.000-04:00

Caterpillar to butterfly…. I’m sorry I just don’t see it.

It's All About the Nose

2008-06-02T12:09:00.001-04:00

I hate smelly people.
What I don't get, is how do smelly people not know they are smelly. The worse is when you can just tell it's their natural body odour and it's so foul, and so potent... just makes you wonder how they don't smell it and cringe. And even if they do know they smell, is their really nothing that can be done. Has the limits of science and hygiene ended here? Like honestly... I know that there isn't much they can do to stop it completely, and in some cases I am quite certain it's because it's in their blood and i'm sure that mother nature actually had some sort of reasoning as to why some humans had to smell more than others.... (perhaps so predators could once stalk us easier, who knows)... but honestly; it doesn't take much cologne to mask a smell, or at least demising it. In fact i'm sure their is a cologne out there for everyone that will actually bond with the "smelly" and actually transform it into something as pleasant as bakery fresh cinnamon rolls, a spicy hickory, a fresh cut lawn, or even something girly like lavender... really i would rather smell like a chick or a food than a sweaty ass.

Just Because It's Friday

2008-05-30T09:56:00.000-04:00

Why don’t funeral homes always have their flags at half-mast?

It Made Me Laugh

2008-05-29T14:47:00.001-04:00

"If instead of talking to your plants, you yell at them, will they grow to be troubled and insecure?"

Greatest Fear

2008-05-26T11:45:00.003-04:00

So I'm at work. I'm kinda tired, it's been a long weekend. Not literally, same length as most. Btw, i would like to take this time to tell any Americans that happen to be reading, you took our weekend. May 24 fell on the totally wrong weekend because of the oddly timed Memorial Day weekend, but don't worry, I don't blame you guys. Although, i will say, shopping is pretty sweet on Memorial Day; I also love American Thanksgiving... so on that note, please enjoy your/our long weekend. We sure did.

Anyway, I've trailed off, I'm at work, at me and my co-worker 'Cranberry Clan' are wasting time discussing a dream I had in which i accumulated $400,000-$600,000, by taking some stacks of cash from what was originally a $2M find that i recognized as not being mine. None the less this led to the discussion of what I would do if I happen to wake up and find that the tooth fairy had made a mistake and left me with the glorious dream cash. I told Cranberry that i would actually be quite scared because i don't know who's money it is. I like money, but i'm not dying for dead Prime Ministers, and I'm certainly not dying for a loon or a beaver, or rink full children playing hockey. (To those of your from the US, our $5 bill has kids playing hockey. Take that Lincoln Memorial.) Well this sparked a discussion of our greatest fears.

"My greatest fear? Mine is, or should i say are, mimes and clowns. Well more specifically, it's Mime's and Clowns joining forces together to create a massive global terrorist group; raping children, pillaging villages, erecting invisible walls, and hoarding the world's umbrella supply. Riding around in little cars blasting propaganda to the masses. Sure everyone will be wearing a red smile, but no one will be happy. The streets run red with make-up and seltzer water. People tied and gaged with invisibles ropes, eyes ripped open so they can watch as as men and women get their feet stretched, tearing ligaments and breaking bones. Labourers forced to move heavy loads in which they cannot even see. This my friend is my hell, my biggest fear. That and scorpions.... ewwww!!!!"

Because I was Thinking it

2008-05-23T08:53:00.002-04:00

If I was Webster, I would have added so many made up words.

Apparently I Don't Have Much to do Today

2008-05-22T13:01:00.001-04:00

Why keep things in shoe boxes

Because I Was Thinking

2008-05-22T11:47:00.000-04:00

Is there anything ironic about good advice just a little too late?

Blindfold

2008-05-20T10:35:00.002-04:00

I am writing to you blindly, as I sit here in the dark
My ears grow deaf, while my mind swims with thought.
As I sit here by myself, I wonder if you as me
Stay awake all night and think of what we could be
If everything goes right, will I be blind to see
That maybe this is fate that you and I should be.
As I sit here by myself, I wonder if you as me
Stay awake all night and think at I what I see
If everything is for nothing, will we both see the sign
Everything we were, nothing more than wasting time
Right now you have me nervous, as I try and fall asleep
I just can’t wait to know, if we will ever meet
Beyond my dreams I’ll wait for you, with feelings of romance
I don’t know why I feel this way, love deserved of a chance.
If the things we said were fake; I’ll wonder this of course
As we both spent time deceiving, hiding from the source
Yet I’m wondering what you doing, and what you think of me
Love makes this worth pursuing, if by luck you’re right for me
And I be right for you, or we be destined to stay two?
I’ll ask myself this question while these feelings are so new
I will not say the words I wish, because it is not the time
I cannot say what I will do, or if you will be mine
I do not need to rush this; it need not go too fast
If this is really something, then forever it should last
So why then do I ask myself, if you question the same fate
Laying awake each night, looking over your mistakes
What could I have said to lock things up, to dive into your heart
Could you have done the same to me, or made me fall apart
All these questions I ask myself, while my mind swims with thought
I am writing all this blindly, as I sit here in the dark
But every time I’m alone in bed, I wonder what is true
You’ve got me feeling butterflies, while I think of you

And That's Why It Will Never Happen Jellos

2008-05-16T13:57:00.001-04:00

So I’m at work today, and me and my co-worker ‘Jellos’ get kicked out of the conference room for a unexpected meeting. Well we didn’t expect it, obviously my boss did, as he was the one holding the meeting. We ourselves, had a meeting in the conference room scheduled twenty minutes after being kicked out, adding further to our surprise. The conference room scheduling, however, is neither here nor there; what I’m getting to is the person in which the meeting was scheduled for, a young cute as a button blond girl. Standing just over five feet in her baby blue wool vest and button-up white school-girl shirt, tight black pants and a glossy pair of standard black heels, she was quite the sight I tell you. After several debates as to why she was here, we determined (and by determined I mean we completely guessed, or more accurately, made up a fantasy) that she was going to be the newest addition to the office family.
As lovely as this girl is however, I felt it was necessary to not get too excited over nothing, to which Jellos argued with me. I of course argued back saying that it didn’t matter. When asked why, this was my response:

“Well things could easily go well. She looked very nervous and rather intimated; this could present a perfect opportunity to ease her into the work place. However this innocence and cutely shy behaviour means nothing. She could easily have a boyfriend of five years waiting at home for his nervous little girl to come back and tell him all about the job interview while they watch reruns of sex in the city and dine on egg noodles with stir fry; wearing his Abercrombie and Fiche polo shirt, capri pants, and indoor sandals, gently rubber her back and telling her that surely she has the job as they smile and glare into each others eyes while the sounds of old Janet Jackson gently play in the background as the sun slowly dips behind the horizon outside of their 21st storey balcony. This is the exact type of guy you see at 30 wearing a white sweater tied around his neck explaining how great of a polo player he is as he sips his sugar free ice tea and offers you one as he pulls a small decorative umbrella out of his breast pocket to complete the ideal drink; boastfully chatting away about the decorative floral arrangement he had installed on the borders of his front walkway as stands one hand in his pocket of his white Docker, fully creased, cuffed legged pants, staring off into the sunset beside you while waves gently lap against his waterfront property telling you that his life is working out just as he planned that one night when he was 6 after watching his first episode of the “The Love Boat”.”

Man, what a jerk

Tuesday the 13th.. Wooooohhhh!

2008-05-13T15:50:00.001-04:00

If tomorrow’s product is here today how did we get it? And what happens tomorrow? Will it become yesterday’s product, or will it still be considered today’s product? (Not today’s today, tomorrow’s today)

It Came to me on May 12th

2008-05-12T21:43:00.001-04:00

My boss takes long lunches. I don’t mind, I’m just saying

Random Thought Of May 10th

2008-05-10T13:26:00.000-04:00

How much of the stone age was actually made of stone? Does the same apply to the bronze age?

Sight Among the Blind

2008-05-07T15:56:00.001-04:00

What you think this is all just so funny
The way you come to me and call me honey
You can’t figure out even the simplest problems
This is your life and you haven’t had it condoned
Yet, and you keep on pushing
Hoping everything will come out blushing
You come back every night wishing life could be a little easier
You are complicating it all by being a little sleazier
Maybe you should stop being so immature
And see that the reason why you’re so insecure
Is that it’s only your guilt that’s eating you away
I would tell you this but you wouldn’t listen anyway

I soak it up
A chance to solve what you call misery
You find it tough
And you come to me because I solve it so easily
I’m giving up
Giving you tips to keep on using me
You wont shut up
And you just keep on crawling back to me
You huff and puff
Because you are just to blind to see
I’ve had enough
I won’t let you bleed all over me

You’re back again
What a coincidence
Did you not have fun
With one of your many gentlemen
You know the only reason you keep on frowning
Is despite life going so well you still feel you’re drowning
And you kick and you scream for me to save you
I pull you out and warm you to help you get through
This tragic time in your life where you feel so week
And I watch over you and help you get back on your feet
Only so you can go dive right in again
What if next time I let you drown instead

I soak it up
A chance to solve what you call misery
You find it tough
And you come to me because I solve it so easily
I’m giving up
Giving you tips to keep on using me
You wont shut up
And you just keep on crawling back to me
You huff and puff
Because you are just to blind to see
I’ve had enough
I won’t let you bleed all over me

And in the end this is somehow all my fault
I’m the reason why you can’t decide who to call
You tell me your burdens expecting me to carry
All of you load and tell you it’s okay and that I’m sorry
Just waiting for the day I told you so
But you don’t wanna hear it cuz you already know
And yet I’m still hear waiting by your side
Only to later get rejected by the next guy to ride
Don’t expect much cuz it’s obvious you don’t care
Just like you to them
It’s only a matter of time before they leave you there
And wow I’m shocked
Really it’s a surprise
At how it took this long for them to realize
That all you are is just a slut in disguise
Hoping that everyone will just turn a blind eye
And yet here I am still keeping an eye on you
Trying to tell you not to do the stupid things you do
But fine you win go have your fun
You better hope I’m patient enough to wait till you’re done
You don’t even see it how great to you I’ve been
You don’t appreciate anything expect getting more attention
You’ve got them fooled with your smile
But no you can’t fool me.
You keep dancing with fate tip toeing on that line
Do you have any clue what it’s like having sight among the blind
Well from my point of view you’re treating yourself like a spectacle
I’ve known the real you and yet was still respectable
But don’t worry your skeletons they are still safe with me
Although I could watch as you crumble to your feet
I can tell you this much, that is no longer my style
I’m done thanklessly walking that extra mile
Everything we were consider it foregone
Because I’m done with being your emotional tampon!

A Thought For May 7th

2008-05-07T13:06:00.001-04:00

Will a watched phone never ring?

Being Given the Run-Around

2008-05-06T08:23:00.004-04:00

So I'm going to take a small time-out from my usual thing, (because I know oh so many of you are expecting my usual thing..lol sorry, but if anyone is even reading this i'll be greatly impressed...please comment in fact)

Anyway back to business, so, I got fucked around so much yesterday. I called a major Canadian Cable provider (who shale remain nameless) during my lunch and talked to this guy, lets call him Bob. We figured out what I wanted and I managed to get Basic Cable plus an HD package and a great internet package for 75 bucks a month, which I'm satisfied with. Then when I went into the store (Same location that I had phoned) I couldn't get what I had wanted because Bob had left an hour early and the guy who replaced him couldn't figure out how Bob managed to find the proper promo codes to get the deals that were discussed earlier that day. Needless to say, after an hour in the store, I am currently without both cable and internet. Oh also the hospital gave me the run around, made me get a new hospital card, not a big deal, but instead of just quickly changing my address they made me update my baby card information, this can be a lengthy process considering it's all information that was current when... well when i was born. Then when I got back to the hospital this morning (I had to come in this morning for blood work and a urine sample) they told me the urine sample had to be done first thing in the morning...well why the fuck didn't you give me the bottle then when I was in the lab yesterday so i wouldn't have to come back yet a third time. You looked at the paper i was given yesterday confirming what work I needed get done. Honestly the only place where I got customer service of any kind was a Future Shop, where my shopping experience was so painless, I was in and out within five minutes (and I'm not even exaggerating.) As for everyone else; screw you all. Grrrr, sorry, just bitter right now, yesterday and today will be nothing but running around. Still have to get my grad photos after work, then i have to talk to Bob at "Nameless Cable Company", then I have softball practice. And after all that, all I will want to do is sit down, relax, enjoy a cold beer and watch my favourite tuesday night programing, but i can't because I am still without cable, and I have to pee in a fucking bottle first thing tomorrow morning.

So yeah.. how you doing?

Random Thoughts Of the Day

2008-05-03T10:32:00.002-04:00

Why did yo momma jokes become popular?
Out of all the places to live, why did Oscar choose a trash can?
Is lady luck a brunette?
What would life be like if turtles were nature’s dominant species?
It’s bright inside
Imagine a world without erasers
Planes can fly, why can’t I
I have a roll up the rim to win cup, needless to say, despite rolling up said rim, i did not win
My calendar still says March
Why would anyone want to eat blue cheese
Why five toes, why not four? Six? Two?
Remember when “snail-mail” was the fastest form of mail.
What would life be like if I went back to 1950 with a double Big-Mac?
Just think about the last time you had a bath
Now think about the next time you’ll have one
Now think of a pony, with pink hair, oh oh, and wings, and, and, and lasers! Yeah!
Remember duck hunt?
My friend almost named their kid Micheal Hunt
Imagine reading your own obituary

Flushed Love

2008-05-01T16:37:00.001-04:00

-- Jones -- And I'm back to doing nothing. I must say, watching sewer lines is extremely exciting. The drama between the toilet paper and the urine was intense...not to mention the subplot about tissue paper and toilet paper being related; did not see that one coming.

-- Porcupine -- As long as you get those TPS reports on my desk by the end of the day. Did you get that memo? Wait, what? I heard that tissue paper was seen coming out of a hotel with paper towel, while toilet paper was sleeping with paper towels wife, kleenex. that slut!

(in the background) "JERRY JERRY JERRY!!!"

-- Jones -- Well I'm definitely going to need another copy of that memo. So if you could get that to me that would be greatly appreciated so that I can have those TPS reports on your desk with the proper cover later. In terms of the conduit drama, we don't know for sure that it was actually paper towel that was with tissue paper, it may have been napkin. We don't know, we only know that whoever it was, they were super absorbent. Unfortunately we won't find out till season 3. I hate waiting for the next season. But yeah paper towel and kleenex...my god, what a slut. She's been with paper towel, toilet paper, bounty sheet, and lets not forget the FFM three some with Cigarette butt and Q-Tip?! Filth. This whole situation is spiraling out of control.

If I Had Known

2008-05-01T15:51:00.000-04:00

If I had known it would have ended like this, I would have never let myself fall.
I woke from my dream and looked beside myself in bed
Hoping you would be there with me to receive the day ahead
I see you every night, and every night you look so good
There are so many things I want to say to you, and my heart thinks I should
My mind, my nerves, my gut, my feet are frozen when I speak.
This is what you do to me, you make my knees feel weak
I will not wait any longer, I’ve waited long enough
Watching from the distance you’ve had my heart in cuffs
I go to say hello to you, but before I can say a word
You say hello to me first, and it’s the most beautifully thing I’ve heard
I reach deep down and calm my heart racing like it is
And soon with gentle persuasions we will share our first kiss
The second, third, and fourth, never far behind
You’ve given to me the happiness I’ve looked so hard to find
I wake again from my sleep and look beside myself in bed
Sure enough there you are pillow softly against your head
You look so beautiful in your sleep dreaming your pleasant dreams
I can not say for sure, but I can only hope they are of me
I dream at night no longer, as all my dreams are true
Since the day I met you, any dream I had was to only be with you
We lay awake some nights to share stories from our past
We talk about the future and the love that will forever last
And every time I leave you as I walk out the door
You tell me that you love me, but I tell you I love you more
I’d go to the edge of the world and back, I’d walk that extra mile
And every thing I do for you, I do just to see you smile
I wake up from my sleep again and looked beside my self in bed
You are not here this time and I think at what I said
My head hurts and pounds and screams for me to see
That everything we had together was nothing but a dream
They say it’s better to have loved and lost, then to have never have loved at all
But if I had known it would have ended like this, I would have never let myself fall.

A look into my mind

2008-05-01T14:17:00.000-04:00

How many licks does it take before you give up licking one lick at a time?

Who decided to call it Ketchup?

Who decided to come up with Catsup? For that matter what is catsup? Is it anything like Ketchup? If Mr. Ketchup was still alive, would he have sued?

For some one who can't use a mirror, Dracula is remarkably well put together

I can't find a decent mechanical pencil

What if electronic money still had denominations?

What was with superman reversing the spin of the earth to turn back time? Why didn't he see the tree coming? (Too soon?)

Are paperweights really necessary

I saw a cow yesterday (Oh i live in the city, this is a rare site for me...yes a cow)

My First Post

2008-05-01T10:56:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm new at this.

I have alot on my mind and it's always wondering aimlessly

I do a fair amount of repetitive work at my desk, and often I find myself wondering about rather odd, sometimes interesting, topics of thought.

I also do a fair bit of writing, short stories mostly, as much as I write, I can't seem to ever pull together a full story, but well that takes time - Short and sweet works anyway.

If ever I say something that you feel offended by, please, I mean no disrespect, I'm a fairly easy going person and I try not to be judgmental, I simply like to drive points home.

Hope to see you back. Happy Reading - Let your mind's eye seek fulfillment.