Not Just Another

From the start we were doomed
Yet I carried forth anyway
Do I regret my choices; never
For if I did, I would not be who I am today
I have changed
Perhaps for the better,
Perhaps for the worse
However this change has pulled us apart
From the start we were doomed
Yet I carried forth anyway

What was to only be one night
Proceeded to become a lifetime
A lifetime filled with joy
A lifetime filled with tears
A lifetime filled with experiences
Both new and familiar feelings
Living them all for the first time with you
You were the best I ever had
And yet I never really had you at all
From the start we were doomed
Yet I carried forth anyway

There has always been something
Something to believe in
I was tempted by your flame
And captured by your light
You treated with me dignity
You treated me with respect
My distance has never been of fear
My heart simply demands my space
You may never forgive what I’ve done
Nor will I hold it against you
Listening to my heart
You will never be forgotten
From the start we were doomed
Yet I carried forth anyway

The whispers of fate will gentle flow by
And taunt my every thought
They whisper ‘what if’ as they bring me close
The echoes fade, and the whispers let go
What time will tell has yet to be heard
I just want you to know
You weren’t just another girl.

For The Best

If you only knew
They I doubt you would have stayed with me
If I could prove to you
That it wasn’t all just make-believe
The time we shared
The gifts we gave
The hugs we shared
The games we played
Every moment was as real as it could be
I’m just sorry I couldn’t be your fantasy.

I woke this morning with a headache
The night before I just couldn’t shake
Things went so well, at least at first
Then by night fall that bubble burst
You questioned me, why I can’t provide
Why my feelings fell short, why I never tried
I shake my head I’m so confused
Where did this come from, must be the booze
I’m in this corner now, you’ve boxed me in
I won’t swing wildly instead I’ll listen
Time and time again we act like this
But neither of us would be the first to admit
That this conversation just had to happen
We were both just too scared to hear the answer
The reasons that you explained to me
The hot, the cold, the daily swings
I felt the same way; I just was agreed
Never thought that’d be the end of things
It’s over now and my heads so much clearer
The headache’s gone, but the heartache’s nearer

You're On Your Own

It’s time again for everyone to start to wonder
When I erupt it is bound to make you run and duck for cover
Get your pens and papers ready to take notes for some debating
I’m back again, so sorry to keep you all in waiting
You’ve all been kind and everyone’s been oh so patient
I’m blown away at the virtue you all have been displaying
But pay attention now because I’ll say it without hesitation
There is no second chance when you explode in people faces
Make sure to soak it in cuz you’ll be tested on this narration
To see if you picked things up in your world of imagination

So here we are again, in this exact same position
I keep saying things even though you never listen
So lets trade shoes and put yourself in my position
I gave you everything I could to make your life more than simply decent
And here we again, now later but no different
I’m still willing to lend a hand while you make things lurid
I only walked away so I wouldn’t grow to hate this
I cared too much to see the wall and the paint to used to paint it
The writing’s on the wall and it’s your written in which it’s written
I helped you clean it once but you’ve no longer got me smitten
Pray, cry, bitch, moan, and scream at me for missing
Now you know how life is when no one cares to listen

So don’t you cry
I cannot lie
I let you go
You should have known
It’s not just me
I left you be
In your world alone
No place for me; You’re on your own.

The last thing you ever said to me wasn’t even to my face
You’re hurt because life has finally put you in your place
You say it’s common now for all to ignore you call
Perhaps it wouldn’t have been like this if you never let them fall
How could you not knew what you were doing when you did this
Taking time to ride the line with smiles and good spirits
You played me for a fool and god knows how many others
Does it really surprise you that we have learned for these blunders
Mistakes were made but I see just what kind of person you’ve become,
Because it hurt to play these stupid games, but now I’m glad we're done
I said that I would help if you ever need that extra hand
But I know that you can’t bring yourself to ask that of a friend
Stubborn, arrogant, egotistical or malicious
Whatever trait you to reach onto will leave you alone and in the ditches
I don’t know how you changed so much from the girl that I once knew
You built a castle with your attention, a queen for all to grabble to
It all came down and now you’re your lost, I could have seen it coming
You never had to the foundation and now you’re left with noting
I know I’ll never hear from you again, You’re too stubborn to ask for help
You’ll learn your lesson soon enough when you’re left with nothing but yourself.

So don’t you cry
I cannot lie
I let you go
You should have known
It’s not just me
I left you be
In your world alone
No place for me;

You’re on your own.

Back to the Basics

Back to the Basics

I don’t know how to start this off
Every time I think my mind goes soft
Like Jello in a mold it takes perfect shape
Then I go to taste it and it all goes to waste
But jello without a mold it’s all out of place
This is how I feel now when pen gets put to page

Every minute of every hour of every single day
Is spent wondering why everything happened that way
What’s right, what’s wrong, what’s meant to be different
What’s mine, what’s gone, is this how things should be
With so much on my mind, you would think my words would pay
Yet when it’s time to cash it in I’m left with nothing else to say.

It’s not that I’m just not emotional
I speak so much I’m practically promotional
It’s just so much harder to get things into verse
Seems all I do lately is waste it all in curse
The harder I try the harder it is for my mind to formulate
The feelings that I’m feeling, it’s rather quite unfortunate
I rhyme just fine, so now it’s time to shine
But the words I am seeking I just can’t seem to find

What ever happened to those days of the past
When I would take the time to write every day in class
So much to say and an ability to say it
On this lyrical road, I was laying down the pavement
My life’s changed so much in the last few years
With every emotion from laughter to the tears
Friends come, friends gone, friend’s staying in their places
Fist fights, love songs, I’ve shown so many faces
With all this to show yet my words turn to vapour
Every time I try to put this pen to this paper.

I just want to create something of some substance
Instead of wasting time making absently no sense
Bitching about nothing for thirty something lines
Inventing words just make things rhyme.
What happened to the words that I once could say
Closed my eyes and let the pen find its way
Open them next to see the words a poet wrote
Read through it once and make a couple notes
Close my eyes again and write it one last time
When ink touched that paper it was perfect every time.

Blindfold

I am writing to you blindly, as I sit here in the dark
My ears grow deaf, while my mind swims with thought.
As I sit here by myself, I wonder if you as me
Stay awake all night and think of what we could be
If everything goes right, will I be blind to see
That maybe this is fate that you and I should be.
As I sit here by myself, I wonder if you as me
Stay awake all night and think at I what I see
If everything is for nothing, will we both see the sign
Everything we were, nothing more than wasting time
Right now you have me nervous, as I try and fall asleep
I just can’t wait to know, if we will ever meet
Beyond my dreams I’ll wait for you, with feelings of romance
I don’t know why I feel this way, love deserved of a chance.
If the things we said were fake; I’ll wonder this of course
As we both spent time deceiving, hiding from the source
Yet I’m wondering what you doing, and what you think of me
Love makes this worth pursuing, if by luck you’re right for me
And I be right for you, or we be destined to stay two?
I’ll ask myself this question while these feelings are so new
I will not say the words I wish, because it is not the time
I cannot say what I will do, or if you will be mine
I do not need to rush this; it need not go too fast
If this is really something, then forever it should last
So why then do I ask myself, if you question the same fate
Laying awake each night, looking over your mistakes
What could I have said to lock things up, to dive into your heart
Could you have done the same to me, or made me fall apart
All these questions I ask myself, while my mind swims with thought
I am writing all this blindly, as I sit here in the dark
But every time I’m alone in bed, I wonder what is true
You’ve got me feeling butterflies, while I think of you

Sight Among the Blind

What you think this is all just so funny
The way you come to me and call me honey
You can’t figure out even the simplest problems
This is your life and you haven’t had it condoned
Yet, and you keep on pushing
Hoping everything will come out blushing
You come back every night wishing life could be a little easier
You are complicating it all by being a little sleazier
Maybe you should stop being so immature
And see that the reason why you’re so insecure
Is that it’s only your guilt that’s eating you away
I would tell you this but you wouldn’t listen anyway

I soak it up
A chance to solve what you call misery
You find it tough
And you come to me because I solve it so easily
I’m giving up
Giving you tips to keep on using me
You wont shut up
And you just keep on crawling back to me
You huff and puff
Because you are just to blind to see
I’ve had enough
I won’t let you bleed all over me

You’re back again
What a coincidence
Did you not have fun
With one of your many gentlemen
You know the only reason you keep on frowning
Is despite life going so well you still feel you’re drowning
And you kick and you scream for me to save you
I pull you out and warm you to help you get through
This tragic time in your life where you feel so week
And I watch over you and help you get back on your feet
Only so you can go dive right in again
What if next time I let you drown instead

I soak it up
A chance to solve what you call misery
You find it tough
And you come to me because I solve it so easily
I’m giving up
Giving you tips to keep on using me
You wont shut up
And you just keep on crawling back to me
You huff and puff
Because you are just to blind to see
I’ve had enough
I won’t let you bleed all over me

And in the end this is somehow all my fault
I’m the reason why you can’t decide who to call
You tell me your burdens expecting me to carry
All of you load and tell you it’s okay and that I’m sorry
Just waiting for the day I told you so
But you don’t wanna hear it cuz you already know
And yet I’m still hear waiting by your side
Only to later get rejected by the next guy to ride
Don’t expect much cuz it’s obvious you don’t care
Just like you to them
It’s only a matter of time before they leave you there
And wow I’m shocked
Really it’s a surprise
At how it took this long for them to realize
That all you are is just a slut in disguise
Hoping that everyone will just turn a blind eye
And yet here I am still keeping an eye on you
Trying to tell you not to do the stupid things you do
But fine you win go have your fun
You better hope I’m patient enough to wait till you’re done
You don’t even see it how great to you I’ve been
You don’t appreciate anything expect getting more attention
You’ve got them fooled with your smile
But no you can’t fool me.
You keep dancing with fate tip toeing on that line
Do you have any clue what it’s like having sight among the blind
Well from my point of view you’re treating yourself like a spectacle
I’ve known the real you and yet was still respectable
But don’t worry your skeletons they are still safe with me
Although I could watch as you crumble to your feet
I can tell you this much, that is no longer my style
I’m done thanklessly walking that extra mile
Everything we were consider it foregone
Because I’m done with being your emotional tampon!

If I Had Known

If I had known it would have ended like this, I would have never let myself fall.
I woke from my dream and looked beside myself in bed
Hoping you would be there with me to receive the day ahead
I see you every night, and every night you look so good
There are so many things I want to say to you, and my heart thinks I should
My mind, my nerves, my gut, my feet are frozen when I speak.
This is what you do to me, you make my knees feel weak
I will not wait any longer, I’ve waited long enough
Watching from the distance you’ve had my heart in cuffs
I go to say hello to you, but before I can say a word
You say hello to me first, and it’s the most beautifully thing I’ve heard
I reach deep down and calm my heart racing like it is
And soon with gentle persuasions we will share our first kiss
The second, third, and fourth, never far behind
You’ve given to me the happiness I’ve looked so hard to find
I wake again from my sleep and look beside myself in bed
Sure enough there you are pillow softly against your head
You look so beautiful in your sleep dreaming your pleasant dreams
I can not say for sure, but I can only hope they are of me
I dream at night no longer, as all my dreams are true
Since the day I met you, any dream I had was to only be with you
We lay awake some nights to share stories from our past
We talk about the future and the love that will forever last
And every time I leave you as I walk out the door
You tell me that you love me, but I tell you I love you more
I’d go to the edge of the world and back, I’d walk that extra mile
And every thing I do for you, I do just to see you smile
I wake up from my sleep again and looked beside my self in bed
You are not here this time and I think at what I said
My head hurts and pounds and screams for me to see
That everything we had together was nothing but a dream
They say it’s better to have loved and lost, then to have never have loved at all
But if I had known it would have ended like this, I would have never let myself fall.