The Best Part of Waking Up, is Frustration in Your Cup

To Whom it May Concern

Why is your online billing process so painful? All I want to do is check my current balance and some previous purchases, yet you make the process extremely difficult. First I tried signing up as I was asked to.. I don't know what a client number is, or if I have or need one, but it seems to be rather important because you keep prompting me to enter it. I’m sorry I don’t have one. When I sign up for a “Credit Card session”, I happily provided you with all my information. After spending far too long trying to figure out a password that was exactly 8 characters long and contained both numbers and letters that I would be capable of remembering, I was finally done the registration process… or so I thought. After this I tried to view my balance but was again asked for a client number. Making up numbers apparently did not help. I finally found the button allowing me to view a ‘limited credit card session’ – finally I found what I’m looking for. But wait, my troubles did not stop there, I was again prompted to change my password; what exactly was wrong with the one I original chose? After choosing a new password I was then prompted to… change my password. The system continued to do this until I got too angry to continue; I'm now taking my frustration out on you. Why the hell is your online system so painfully user un-friendly?

It's Been a While Since I've Bitched About Something.

So it’s been a while since I posted something. I mean besides today of course. I don’t have a lot to do in the office today, so I’ve decided to write… for the sake of writing – Well in this case it’s more like “bitch for the sake of bitching” – Enjoy!

I’ve decided there are far too many stupid people in the world; I watched a youtube clip of a guy tazering himself. It was pretty funny because the guy was completed knocked out by the shock. This begs the question; who voluntarily tazers themselves that isn’t a police officer in training, or a guinea pig being paid to do it for research purposes? I also watched a kid clothesline himself. I sit and I wonder, “what could possibly posses someone to think this is a good idea?” I understand at that age, one may think they are invincible, and one may think it’s hilarious (which despite trying to make a point about how stupid it is, it is rather funny) but do these people simply lack the gene that says ‘despite the fact that this wont kill me it will still hurt like a bitch’? I don’t know. In talking with Angie, the point was brought up that it is nothing more than the camera that influences this kind of radical behaviour. The idea that one may go viral; a chance at the elusive 15 minutes of fame. This begs another questions however; why would these potential Darwin Award candidates want to be known as the person who tazered themselves? Or the person who thought it would be funny to break and egg in their mouth with a baseball bat? Has stupidity truly become the modern form of flattery? I look at it this way, if I were to take a poll on the streets and ask 100 people if I can punch them in the face for no reason, how many people would say yes? Probably nobody, yet these people seem to volunteer themselves for similar treatment. Perhaps if I filmed it, I would receive a more positive response. The world is a sad, sad, hilarious place.

So who else hates crocks? Seriously, what’s the deal with these “shoes”? I use quotes here because personally I don’t consider them shoes. If anything they are slippers or maybe even sandals, but they are not shoes. I just don’t understand why people would decide to wear something that is neon orange with what is otherwise a regular outfit. I understand they may be comfortable, and under that argument, you have a home in which you can walk around with them on. The cottage? The beach? By the pool? Three other wonderful places to wear these monstrosities, but downtown on a Saturday night… yeah, I’m just going to go walk over here now.

Has anyone else looked at the price of shredders lately? Yes, the office machine that turns paper into smaller strips of paper, or in some cases confetti. Well I assume most of you have not investigated the world of paper shredding, so I will say this about shredders: they are not cheap! The average shredder seems to sell for about 125 bones a unit. I suppose that’s somewhat reasonable, yet from the reviews of shredders, generally speaking, they seem to only have about a two-year lifespan. You would think it would be easier to build something in which the sole purpose of it is to destroy something. I mean, look at the nuclear bomb, that thing is much more efficient – although it can only be used once - but you can forget about any evidence of your credit card numbers, that’s for sure! So the nuke might be a little over the top, but I could purchase a gun for about $125, and not only is that extremely destructive, but it will last more than two years, even with daily use. I forgot where I was going with this, but anyway, I saw a shredder for over $3,000 dollars. Really? For $3,000 I will personally cut up each one of the pages into tiny little pieces! Anyone in need of a sociable shredder?

You Can't Judge a Book By its Cover

What ever happened to common courtesy? When someone says something nice, you thank him or her. If someone looks like they need help, you lend a helping hand. When someone opens a door for you, you accept the courteous gesture and if you’re feeling extra kind, you can even thank the person for doing something as simple as holding a door open.

Well it seems the world is going to hell in a hand basket, and you know who’s leading the way, OLD PEOPLE! That’s right, it appears that it’s no longer Generation Y’s that have forgotten the meaning of good manner, but rather those who practically invented it; the elderly. I was at a gas station this afternoon filling up my tank and simultaneously getting myself a beverage to compliment the left over pizza I had waiting for me at work. On my way out I saw an elderly gentleman making his way towards the double doors; I assume to pay for his gasoline purchase. As I was on my way out, and had to open the door for myself, I kindly pushed the door open and stepped aside, still holding the door, to allow this gentleman to freely pass without hassle of opening the door himself. Standing there, still holding the door, I watched as the man ignores my gesture of good faith and proceeds to open the door directly adjacent to that which is already open. I am now standing there in awe, door still in hand, at what just happened. Who does that?! I mean, I would think that it would almost be a natural instinct to pass through an open door, let alone a sign of respect, grace, and civility. I have seen, more times that I can count, people allowing doors to close behind them with no regard of those who follow; but I must say, I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone purposely pass up what most consider to be a fleeting sign of good favour. Some people!

Well next time I see him, I’m going to run him down in my car. Of course I’m kidding, that would be cruel; instead I’ll just play loud music, use plenty of curse words, and remind him that things no longer cost what they used to!

Don't Beat Up Rihanna

You know what I'm sick of? People's opinions about Rihanna and Chris Brown. I'm sick of hearing about this. It's not so much that I’m sick of hearing that it occurred, nor hearing about what the latest is on their relationship, but rather, I’m sick of everyone who seems to know what is right and what is wrong. Now don't get me wrong here, hitting a woman is about as right as microwaving kittens, I'm not saying that what he did is fine, nor am I saying that if she did it, would it be okay, it's never okay to hit a person. I want to make that clear before I continue.

I was listening to the radio today and found out that Diddy (or P-Diddy, whichever he goes by these days) is lending out his home so that Rihanna and Chris can have a place to get away from the media and discuss this. Apparently Diddy is Satan for doing this. And I quote the voices heard from my car speaking this morning "If he was a true friend, Diddy wouldn't even allow Rihanna within 100 yards of Chris brown". Yes, that's right, it's apparently Diddy's fault now. I don't know about you, but I think that Diddy allowing them to try to rectify the situation, and give up his home as a therapeutic place of resolution is rather honourable of him. And since when was Rihanna kidnapped and forced to go to Diddy's house, I'm pretty sure this was a voluntary action.

Diddy, on the Ellen Show, also made mention that we are to "pray" for Chris and Rihanna as they attempt to get through these hard times; expressing that life is often cruel and that even the best of relationships often have ugly patches. I’m aware that this patch is uglier than most, arguably the worst thing that could happen to a person in a relationship, and once again, I'm not saying that striking a woman is a reasonable action; it's not! We don't know what happened that night, and we don't know what happened every day leading up to that night, nor the days thereafter. We don't know the emotional bond these two share, nor do we know what they are thinking or feeling, so why then do so many feel it is their place to cast the first stone?

We have all experienced situations in which we question our partners. Perhaps it didn't involve physical abuse, but there is more than one reason to walk away from a relationship. Everyone seems to support the “Leave Him” approach, but what does not seem to occur to anyone is that perhaps Rihanna sees things differently than the ‘media’ - and therefore the rest of the world that is oh so quick to judge. The media will forever label Chris as a ‘beater’ and “once a beater, always a beater”. Maybe, just maybe, she believes people can change, that people can learn, and that people make mistakes in life that they wouldn’t dare repeat again. We've all been down that road and back, and perchance even to this degree, but regardless we have all been victims just as we have all been transgressors; we've all done things we believed we were incapable of.

For all we know, (because not a one of us does know), Rihanna sees what no one else appears to see, that it was a mistake.. not a character trait. I’m not defending Chris Brown, there is no justifying his actions, but Rihanna is a big girl now boys and girls, and she can leave whenever she wants; if she hasn't yet, there is clearly a reason. But you're right, maybe Sally from Minnesota knows what's best for Rihanna, after all her opinion is clearly correct. I'm not Rihanna, and I'm not Chris Brown, and because I'm neither of them, I say let them make their own decision. Or we could just blame Diddy.


-From the mind of JRL with added inspiration from Angie.
P.S. Visit Angie’s Loung

Apple Bloggers: The Obsession of Fruit Gone Computer

There are a lot of piteously obsessive people in the world.
Now I'm not saying my life is extraordinary, far from it; so you don't have to travel down the path of pointing out that I'm not the most worthwhile and productive member of society.
Anyway, to the point:
I was reading an article during my lunch break about 'Apple Bloggers'. As you may or may not know, January 24th marks the 25th anniversary of the original Apple Personal Computer and these Apple Bloggers are having a field day. Apparently there exists a group of people (who don't work for Apple) who are so, dare I say, devout to the brand name that they spends hours and hours every day just blogging, and chatting about whatever news they can get their keyboard mashing hands on in regards to the next p.o.s that apple releases. Good God, don't these people have anything better to do? I mean, it’s somewhat ironic that I posted a story on my blog about bloggers, but this is so much more than little Suzy dedicating a blog to her little Shitzu ‘Bubbles’. Some of these Apple Bloggers go as far as searching through patent papers to figure out what apple MIGHT be patenting; looking through U.S. business archives to try and map out Apples next moves; this and other fairly extreme measures to attempt to stay in the loop. I can understand if these people are heavily invested in the business, which (according to the article) they are not. These are just regular people who believing that Apple can do no wrong. Seems to me like people need to look at life differently when they are so obsessed with a company's going-on's that they feel it is necessary to somehow invite themselves into the world of a multimillion dollar corporation. Beyond sales, Apple doesn't care about the buyers, why the hell do the buyers waste their time caring about them.

Then again, who am I to judge? Society feeds on gossip. Everything has a following these days, weather it be movies, games, sports, or business. Guess there is nothing different here than anywhere else. Blog on Apple lovers, blog on!

Face Off: Hollywood's Unseen Damages

So yeah. Watched Face-off yesterday. That's the movie where they take each other’s faces off, much like the title “Face Off” suggests. Man, I remember seeing that movie when it first came out. And I mean, as it was then, it is now, a stereotypical Hollywood action film. I'll give it credit in that it at least doesn't have some of the ridiculous special effects like some movies today, and at the very least, the action scenes are filmed with real actors performing real stunts. I mean, I can get over the fact that literally every vehicle explodes when it probably shouldn't, but what I could not get over was the damage that wasn't shown.

Not sure if you remember the movie, but Travolta and Cage change skins essentially. And so the bad guy is now in Travolta's cop body, while the good guy is now in Cage’s criminal body. Anyway Travolta's character must be acting really weird, (or so you would think) and his daughter must have been at least a little creeped out when daddy decided to start hitting on her and grabbing her sweet sweet sexy teen ass. Not to mention that towards the end of the movie, there is a scene in which he straight up gropes her and then licks her face while suggesting to Cage (who’s her actual farther) that he is going to have his way with his daughter. Now I'm not a shrink or anything, but I'm pretty sure this kind of behaviour would have a physiologically damaging effect on a person. So after all is said and done the family is fucked. Let’s look over our possibilities here:
If the cop doesn’t reverse the procedure and stays in Cage's skin, the wife will forever see the face of the man that shot their son. If the cop takes his old Travolta (and original) skin back, the daughter will forever see her father as the man that nearly raped her. I'm really not sure there is a safe way out of this situation. Moreover, when Travalta does return home (as himself) after everything was "fixed", his first action upon seeing his little girl was to slide his hand down her face (a mannerism unique to the cop’s character; something that should be seen as lovely, and possible calming) however, while performing said act, he caught a piece of her lip with he tracing fingers (just ever so gently…and sensually.) 'Yeah, daddy likes his finger in your mouth sweetie.'
Maybe she likes it. Maybe this whole experience, in some sort of sick Freudian way, has attracter her to her father.
Creepy.
Oh, and in case you are wondering how this family will ever recover form the loss of their child/brother, don’t worry, it will be easy. The family managed to replace the lost child with one of similar age and appearance; ironically enough, it was Cages old kid, who's now left without a mother and father.
Awwww, another happy ending!
A new son to replace the old one; a reminder of a father's face that was once eager to get into his daughter's pants; and the constant uncertainly left with the wife as she slowly starts to feel more and more empty after sleeping with a man she thought was her husband only to find out after that it was in fact the man that killer her son. But at least things are "back to the way they were"

Oh Fire Logs, You Have Become Obsolete

What’s the deal with scented fire logs? Really, do I need a log that smells like coffee. One I saw online smelt of lavender. Lavender? If I’m keeping warm in the middle of winter why the hell do I want a lavender scented house. For that matter why do I want anything besides the smell of burning wood. I love the homey warm embracing scent of a fire in the fire place. And another thing what the hell is wrong with the world today when we’ve replaced an actual fire with a HD version for our TV’s. Terrible people… simply terrible. This is truly the ultimate in laziness and overall decline in human interaction. And please, don’t give me some BS excuse about the environment, a few logs makes little difference. It generates heat which keeps us and others warm, and thousands and thousands of trees are destroyed by NATURAL causes every year. So next time you're cold, grab some wood and watch the beauty of nature in your own home, the way it should be enjoyed, scentless and in three dimensions.

It's All About the Nose

I hate smelly people.
What I don't get, is how do smelly people not know they are smelly. The worse is when you can just tell it's their natural body odour and it's so foul, and so potent... just makes you wonder how they don't smell it and cringe. And even if they do know they smell, is their really nothing that can be done. Has the limits of science and hygiene ended here? Like honestly... I know that there isn't much they can do to stop it completely, and in some cases I am quite certain it's because it's in their blood and i'm sure that mother nature actually had some sort of reasoning as to why some humans had to smell more than others.... (perhaps so predators could once stalk us easier, who knows)... but honestly; it doesn't take much cologne to mask a smell, or at least demising it. In fact i'm sure their is a cologne out there for everyone that will actually bond with the "smelly" and actually transform it into something as pleasant as bakery fresh cinnamon rolls, a spicy hickory, a fresh cut lawn, or even something girly like lavender... really i would rather smell like a chick or a food than a sweaty ass.

And That's Why It Will Never Happen Jellos

So I’m at work today, and me and my co-worker ‘Jellos’ get kicked out of the conference room for a unexpected meeting. Well we didn’t expect it, obviously my boss did, as he was the one holding the meeting. We ourselves, had a meeting in the conference room scheduled twenty minutes after being kicked out, adding further to our surprise. The conference room scheduling, however, is neither here nor there; what I’m getting to is the person in which the meeting was scheduled for, a young cute as a button blond girl. Standing just over five feet in her baby blue wool vest and button-up white school-girl shirt, tight black pants and a glossy pair of standard black heels, she was quite the sight I tell you. After several debates as to why she was here, we determined (and by determined I mean we completely guessed, or more accurately, made up a fantasy) that she was going to be the newest addition to the office family.
As lovely as this girl is however, I felt it was necessary to not get too excited over nothing, to which Jellos argued with me. I of course argued back saying that it didn’t matter. When asked why, this was my response:

“Well things could easily go well. She looked very nervous and rather intimated; this could present a perfect opportunity to ease her into the work place. However this innocence and cutely shy behaviour means nothing. She could easily have a boyfriend of five years waiting at home for his nervous little girl to come back and tell him all about the job interview while they watch reruns of sex in the city and dine on egg noodles with stir fry; wearing his Abercrombie and Fiche polo shirt, capri pants, and indoor sandals, gently rubber her back and telling her that surely she has the job as they smile and glare into each others eyes while the sounds of old Janet Jackson gently play in the background as the sun slowly dips behind the horizon outside of their 21st storey balcony. This is the exact type of guy you see at 30 wearing a white sweater tied around his neck explaining how great of a polo player he is as he sips his sugar free ice tea and offers you one as he pulls a small decorative umbrella out of his breast pocket to complete the ideal drink; boastfully chatting away about the decorative floral arrangement he had installed on the borders of his front walkway as stands one hand in his pocket of his white Docker, fully creased, cuffed legged pants, staring off into the sunset beside you while waves gently lap against his waterfront property telling you that his life is working out just as he planned that one night when he was 6 after watching his first episode of the “The Love Boat”.”

Man, what a jerk

Being Given the Run-Around

So I'm going to take a small time-out from my usual thing, (because I know oh so many of you are expecting my usual thing..lol sorry, but if anyone is even reading this i'll be greatly impressed...please comment in fact)

Anyway back to business, so, I got fucked around so much yesterday. I called a major Canadian Cable provider (who shale remain nameless) during my lunch and talked to this guy, lets call him Bob. We figured out what I wanted and I managed to get Basic Cable plus an HD package and a great internet package for 75 bucks a month, which I'm satisfied with. Then when I went into the store (Same location that I had phoned) I couldn't get what I had wanted because Bob had left an hour early and the guy who replaced him couldn't figure out how Bob managed to find the proper promo codes to get the deals that were discussed earlier that day. Needless to say, after an hour in the store, I am currently without both cable and internet. Oh also the hospital gave me the run around, made me get a new hospital card, not a big deal, but instead of just quickly changing my address they made me update my baby card information, this can be a lengthy process considering it's all information that was current when... well when i was born. Then when I got back to the hospital this morning (I had to come in this morning for blood work and a urine sample) they told me the urine sample had to be done first thing in the morning...well why the fuck didn't you give me the bottle then when I was in the lab yesterday so i wouldn't have to come back yet a third time. You looked at the paper i was given yesterday confirming what work I needed get done. Honestly the only place where I got customer service of any kind was a Future Shop, where my shopping experience was so painless, I was in and out within five minutes (and I'm not even exaggerating.) As for everyone else; screw you all. Grrrr, sorry, just bitter right now, yesterday and today will be nothing but running around. Still have to get my grad photos after work, then i have to talk to Bob at "Nameless Cable Company", then I have softball practice. And after all that, all I will want to do is sit down, relax, enjoy a cold beer and watch my favourite tuesday night programing, but i can't because I am still without cable, and I have to pee in a fucking bottle first thing tomorrow morning.

So yeah.. how you doing?