In a Card Game With Vegans

Before even begging to write my knee jerk opinion to an article I read, I just want to take this time to say that I have NOTHING against vegans. Their lifestyle does not scare, disturb, nor offend me. Vegans have made a personal choice to support that lifestyle, whether the reasoning is moral, environmental, or whatever. I know only a few vegans and I have never said their choice in lifestyle is inferior to any other, I simply do not feel that lifestyle is appropriate for me. This entry is not to pass judgment on vegans, but rather to provide a theoretical reaction based on a short article I read regarding several statements suggesting ‘veganism’ will improve our environmental crisis. I will say this about vegans though, they are tremendously difficult to cook for if you are preparing them a special dinner.

Now that we have that out of the way I can blab on.

Okay, so really? Turning the whole world vegan will solve everything eh? I’m not buying it. Sure animals will all live, there will be a natural balance…eventually. But well, how long do you think that balance would take to reach. Perhaps my mind works differently than most peoples, and I’m not going to lie, I’ve done absolutely no research to support my argument, which is why I consider it only a theory, but please, humour me for a minute and read on.

Let’s say that as of today, the entire population of the world turned vegan. All over the world meat packing plants would shut down, stamping an expiry date on Millions of jobs. Cows no longer serve a purpose and are left to run free in the wild. Cows begin to die off because they have become infected due to extensive periods without being milked. Unable to produce enough calfs to drink the milk the o’naturel way, cows die in incredible numbers. Chickens, now insignificant, are thrown into the natural order of the food chain, somewhere at the bottom, with humans. Weasels have a field day and stock up, nabbing chickens left right and centre, and storing them in their snack sacs as there is no longer a coop to protect these helpless and delicious chickens. Weasel populations explode, as they quickly become masters of the earth. In time those left alive will become their slaves. Sheep are left ungroomed as there is no longer a need for wool. They all go blind as the untamed wool is pulled over their eyes. Many walk of cliffs, most are eaten by the weasels. Hats and sweaters are fabricated from hemp and polyester as a substitute for wool. Everyone moves south because it’s too damn cold. Florida is already full; we are forced to move elsewhere. Farmers are forced to turn their land from feeding grounds to orchards. The result is displacing the once cared for animals into the wild. They feed the weasels. The demand on fruit and vegetables sky-rockets and farmers can’t keep up. Trees take too long to plant, the farmers go broke, or die, which ever comes first. The world economy is thrown out of control as the suicide rate jumps. Families are forced to starve because they can no longer afford what used to be reasonably priced fruits, vegetables, beans, and rice. The food chain gets tangled in a knot as we are left hanging at the base of the chain, gripping on for dear life to the kicking legs of the chickens above us; the weasels put on their dinning bibs and cartoonishly remove their knives and forks so conveniently stored amongst their fur. Wineries and breweries are laughing as the price of wheat, hops, and grapes exponentially increase. We are now forced to pay $25 for a bottle of beer. Truly this is a tragedy. Don’t let this happen to our world. People, if you truly care about the environment, you will kill helpless animals and eat them for sustenance. Eat a chicken, save a life.